I'm hoping that by the time you peruse this blog someone will have broken the story about LeBron James and let all the air out of this bloated exercise in self-indulgence tonight on ESPN. Tell me where he's playing before he gets the chance to tell me where he's playing. Spoil the party. Ruin the surprise. Tell me Bruce Willis is dead and Kevin Spacey is Keyser Söze before the movie starts. I don't mind; it will give me a reason not to watch.
It seems to me that LeBron's big reveal tonight, titled "The Decision," might be the most idiotic act of narcissism ever conceived by a man who clearly knows no limits to loving himself.
But then again, this is professional sports, where narcissists pop up like teenage girls (or Gambo) in line to see the latest Twilight movie.
He was the greatest and he knew it. Just read the quotes.
"At home I am a nice guy: but I don't want the world to know. Humble people, I've found, don't get very far."
"I am the astronaut of boxing. Joe Louis and Dempsey were just jet pilots. I'm in a world of my own."
"I wish people would love everybody else the way they love me. It would be a better world."
He might be the most notorious narcissist in the history of self-love. He has parlayed his infamous I'm-waffling-so-woo-me bit into an endorsement for department store.
If you Google "Rickey Henderson quotes" this is what pops up. #4 and #5 are fairly awesome, but really you could say that about the entire list.
Choose the Cavs and it's a whole lot of hype for a whole lot of nothin'. Choose anybody else and you rip out the guts of an entire state on national TV. But it's for the kids, so that makes it all better. Right?
The man once held a press conference while doing sit ups.
He kissed himself in the mirror for goodness sakes.
Buddy Ryan/Dennis Green:
One of them boldly proclaimed "You got a winner in town" while the other brought along pie charts to explain his greatness. To me they were basically the same guy.
You can't leave a guy with the nickname "Red Light" (from the TV camera) or "Table for One" off the list.