Paulie Blog: A pre-emptive bracket busting
As a kid, ya know what used to really bug Paulie Pubescence? (That is, besides Skip Bayless, who, even in grade school, I found more annoying than carrot sticks in my lunch box - dang)
Besides that, what used to really turn me into Paulie Perturbed was when I'd flip on a big game ("Big Big Game!") and I'd say: "Hey Dad, who ya rootin' for?" And, inevitably, he'd respond: "Ah, well, son, I'm just pulling for a good game…"
My reaction: "What?! We've got Lakers-Celtics and you're pulling for…a good game?"
Or, it'd be: "Come on, Pop! It's 49ers-Cowboys and you're pulling for…the scoreboard to stay close?"
And, on Saturdays, you'd hear me whine: "But, Dad, we've got stinkin' USC playing (it doesn't matter) and you're not pulling for a complete jackstomping, so we don't have to listen to that infernal Trojan band?!"
Exasperating. In fact, back then, I'd hear the robot from "Lost In Space" echo in my head: "That does not compute!"
But, as the saying goes, you live and learn. Or, more accurately, you learn to live.
And, guess what? As you ease into adulthood, the meaning of life becomes easier to define, right? Sure. The answer is simple: enjoy life. Enjoy.
Hence, effective immediately, Paulie Proclamation has made an executive decision: heretofore, the enjoyment of March Madness will be greatly enhanced by sacrificing (regardless of Lent) the following: My Bracket.
That's right, we're boycotting the bracket. No bracket. No copy machine. No office pool. No, no, no. Instead, please consider Paulie Roundball a recovering bracket-a-holic.
I figure it's gotta be like giving up smoking. Just imagine how much better the tourney will taste. And without white smoke coming out of my ears every time my teams don't advance, I'll smell better too.
Absolutely. Instead of stressing over my bracket and deriving enjoyment only when outcomes match my sheet, I'm now free to experience the competition, the last second elimination and the adrenaline like never before.
Who won? Who cares. I'm about enjoying the ride, not the results.
Even better, when someone says: "Hey, Paulie Bracket Buster, who do you have as your sleeper?" I'll say: "Me. Cuz, I'm getting a lot more sleep now that I don't have to worry about Butler or George Mason wiping out my entire Final Four…on the opening weekend#$&%!!"
Darn straight. Never again will I fall victim to picking the wrong upset in the 5-12 matchup and, consequently, then proceeding to upset the lawn furniture right into the stinkin' pool in a fit of March Mayhem!%#@&!
Remember the stories from the 70s, how women used to burn their bras? Well, give me the Zippo lighter and stand back, because I'm burning my bracket.
No longer am I addicted to only "winning" - leave that to Charlie Sheen.
Now, I've got NCAA Tourney games as a real-life escape. After a long week, I can look forward to the game and a beer. Instead of needing the beer to drown my sorrows from the game.
Why not? As a kid, I boycotted lima beans. Then, after the Valdez spill, I boycotted Exxon. Now, it's time to boycott the office pool.
Am I getting older and slowly becoming my father, as another saying goes?
Actually, too late. I'm already there. And who knew it'd be so dang liberating?!