Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

Ed Thomas, who has produced four NFL linemen as the football coach at tiny Aplington-Parkersburg High, was shot and killed Wednesday inside the school's weight room, authorities said. The gunman, identified by authorities as 24-year-old Mark Becker, is a former student who played football for Thomas
While this story is terrible and tragic, many news outlets are refusing to cover it because it does not involve either Jon or Kate.

Michael Jordan's son, Jeff Jordan, will not be playing basketball at Illinois next year. The second-year player who walked on with the Illini said Wednesday he plans to focus on his studies
Experts now consider Jeff Jordan to be the most disappointing son to follow in his father's footsteps since George W. Bush.

The United States stunned top-ranked Spain 2-0 Wednesday night on goals by Jozy Altidore and Clint Dempsey, advancing to the Confederations Cup final with one of the Americans' biggest soccer victories
While considered to be the biggest victory in the history of American soccer, it is also considered to be irrelevant.

The US victory ended a 35 game winning streak for the #1 ranked Spanish team
The leaders of Spain said this is the most embarrassing thing to happen to the country since Columbus confused America for the West Indies.

A Sacramento man is facing a three-year prison term for stealing Lance Armstrong's bicycle while the seven-time Tour de France winner was competing in California
To many, 3 years may seem a bit harsh for stealing a bike, but it should be pointed out that the bike did have really cool streamers.

This weekend, Lucas Glover won the U.S. Open held in New York. Also, John Daly won the U.S. Open held in Milwaukee
Unfortunately, in Daly's case, the "U.S." stood for Ultrafried Sandwiches. Daly won by eating 7 deep fried hoagies in 12 minutes.

President Barack Obama plans to throw out the ceremonial first pitch before the Major League Baseball All-Star game at Busch Stadium in St. Louis on July 14
Obama said he immediately agreed to appear at the game when he heard there would be cameras there.

The New York Jets are taking advantage of a new NFL rule this summer that will allow them to place a corporate logo on their practice jerseys as a source of additional revenue
The Jets have already secured a sponsor in a diamond store. The organization feels this jewelry company will be perfect for the Jets because they have no rings, but plenty of chokers.

Dallas Cowboys linemen Leonard Davis, Marc Colombo and Cory Procter have signed a recording contract as part of a heavy metal band called Free Reign
While music critics are unsure exactly how metal the band will be, they agree that they certainly will be heavy.

Los Angeles Lakers coach Phil Jackson said in a radio interview Tuesday that he will make a firm decision about returning to the bench next season by "early July" and that he will also explore the possibility of letting Lakers assistant coach Kurt Rambis coach road games in Jackson's place
Jackson said he got the idea for the team to have different coaches on the road than at home after hearing that most of them already had different girlfriends on the road than they did at home.

That's all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen dedicating a "HiiOhhh!" to the late Ed McMahon