Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

In his new book, Andre Agassi admits to using crystal meth in 1997
This admission comes as very surprising news, until you remember that Agassi also did once have a mullet.

Mark Sanchez was the subject of criticism -- and he later issued an apology -- when he was caught on camera Sunday eating a hot dog on the sideline during the Jets' 38-0 victory against the Raiders
It should be noted however that Oakland quarterback Jamarcus Russell has yet to apologize for being caught on camera eating an entire thanksgiving turkey.

Coach John Fox said that Jake Delhomme will remain Carolina's starting quarterback this week vs. Arizona, despite having a terrible season
When asked about this, Delhomme sent a comment to the Carolina media. Unfortunately the comment was intercepted by a Cardinals reporter.

Police are searching for a Manchester United fan who bit off part of a man's ear at the Champions League final in Rome
Local officers said they were shocked by this case, saying they had no idea that Mike Tyson was a United fan.

Los Angeles Dodgers owner Frank McCourt on Wednesday filed papers opposing his wife's demand to be reinstated as the team's chief executive, citing insubordination and an affair she allegedly had with her bodyguard
Also, McCourt claims he once walked in the Dodgers locker room and saw his wife getting "injected" by Manny Ramirez.

Former NBA referee Tim Donaghy's tell-all book has been canceled by Triumph Books and parent company Random House, the publisher said
And in a related story, the president of Random House "accidentally fell down and broke both his knee caps".

The LPGA Tour picked Michael Whan as its new commissioner, turning to a former marketing executive in hockey equipment to rebuild the tour
So hopefully Whan will help the LPGA capture America's interest and attention in the same spectacular way that HOCKEY EQUIPMENT does.

Kansas City Chiefs running back Larry Johnson issued his second apology in 12 months Tuesday and was told to stay away from the team while the NFL and the Chiefs complete their investigation into his use of a gay slur
Chiefs fans were outraged by Johnson's insensitivity and prejudice. Then they put on their war paint, head dresses and tomahawk shirts and headed to the game.

The president of Maccabi Tel Aviv has apologized to the NBA and the Knicks for its coach's behavior during an exhibition game at Madison Square Garden
Well, actually his mother guilted him into apologizing.

A lawyer for a Philadelphia woman charged with offering sex for World Series tickets says she is "a nice lady overcome with Phillies fever"
Unfortunately, the woman was also "overcome with Phillies gonorrhea".

For more of my observations on the world of sports, as well as politics, entertainment and current events, follow me on twitter @JarrettGC.

That's all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen hoping that those Northwest pilots were able to stay awake for my whole column