Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:
The Phoenix Open will no longer be sponsored by FBR. The new sponsor will be Houston based company Waste Management
The name change to the Waste Management Open is an obvious ploy by Phoenix to attract Tiger Woods to the tournament, since Woods is also used to picking up trash

Tiger Woods' mother-in-law collapsed at his home and was rushed to a hospital early Tuesday, but was released shortly there after
So Tiger's mother-in-law will be ok. Man that guy just can't catch a break

Gatorade is discontinuing its Tiger Woods drink but says it made the decision before the golfer's car accident led to a media firestorm surrounding his personal life.
Surprisingly, though, Gatorade says they do plan on going forward with their new soft drink "David Letterman Cola"

California congressman Rep. Joe Baca is dropping his effort to honor Tiger Woods with a Congressional Gold Medal.
Baca said the United States Congress does not endorse people who are untrustworthy sexual philanderers. That's really more of a Senate thing

After practice Wednesday center Robin Lopez - upset his 3-on-3 team lost - stormed off the Suns practice court and shattered a glass door by slamming it on his way out
Then, to add insult to injury, Lopez shattered a mirror in the locker room when he accidentally stared into it for too long

A House subcommittee approved legislation Wednesday aimed at forcing college football to switch to a playoff system to determine its national champion
And in other news, the economy, environment and situation in Iraq are falling apart

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady confirmed Wednesday that he and wife Gisele Bundchen welcomed a baby boy Tuesday, and said it won't affect his availability for Sunday's game against the Carolina Panthers.
Said Brady, "If missed a game every time I had a kid with some hot broad, I'd never play"

Philadelphia Eagles coach Andy Reid has signed a three-year contact extension through 2013.
Also getting an extension: the waist of Andy Reid's pants

Injured forward Luke Walton is trading his Los Angeles Lakers jersey for a seat behind the microphone. Walton will fill in for radio color commentator Mychal Thompson when the Lakers play Friday against Minnesota and Saturday at Utah
The Lakers released this information in order to make sure listeners turn down the bass on their radios enough so that they won't unexpectedly explode

Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chad Ochocinco is being fined $30,000 for his latest stunt -- donning a poncho and sombrero after scoring a touchdown this weekend
Experts say this is fitting, since most people who wear ponchos and sombreros work the same jobs as Americans for about $30,000 less a year anyway

That's all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen saying that Tim Donaghy has never directly affected the outcome of this column.

For more of my observations on the world of sports, as well as politics, entertainment and current events, follow me on twitter @JarrettGC.