Is it safe for Arizona Diamondbacks fans to come out now? After spending the last three years in a metaphorical bomb shelter right out of the 1960’s Cold War, D-backs fans are starting to wonder if it’s safe to open the cellar door, breathe the air and drink the water. Walk up business during the […]
Like every spouse in America, my wife has a whole litany of habits that are, at best quirky and cute and at worst, irritating and must end immediately. I’m sure I do too…just don’t ask me what they are; I think I’m God’s gift to marriage. One of The Decision Maker’s habits is sleeping in. […]
Did you see the crazy story of the Oregon woman who went into dental surgery with a regular old Oregonian accent and woke up with one that is part South African and part Irish? She has some kind of a rare condition that trigged her changed speech. One day you’re an accountant from Oregon. The […]
The NBA Draft Lottery is on Tuesday. There’s a 96 percent chance that the Suns will pick right where they are supposed to: #13. 96% is a pretty big number so I’m not going to waste a whole lot of time or invest any kind of real emotions into hoping that the Suns fate lies […]
Let me ask you a question. What did you love about Jerry Colangelo? He won you say? Well…he did and he didn’t. His Suns and D-backs teams won a lot of games over the years but if you’re getting down the brass tax (whatever that means) Jerry’s teams only won one championship. All those years, […]
I’m not much of a traditionalist. In fact I would say I only have one. Every Thanksgiving we load the kids up, trek up the hill and spend it with Mom in Flagstaff. The day after Thanksgiving, we make the turkey sandwiches and head out into the forest to chop down a Christmas tree. That […]
Larry Fitzgerald said that Ken Whisenhunt learned his lesson. Yes he did. Apparently with a vengeance. The Cards Wide Receiver told Yahoo Sports “Whiz told me he learned his lesson with Adrian Peterson … if there’s an incredible athlete there, you take him, even if you don’t have a need. You find a place for […]
I’m not stealing my kids’ Easter candy. Think of it as thinning the herd. Our unspoken agreement this time of year is that they get everything in the basket but…..the Jelly Beans. I’m not talking about the gag-reflex-inducing spicy jelly beans or the way-too-fruity Starburst jelly beans. Not the ones that come in all sorts […]
Got this friend. For the purposes of anonymity let’s call him Harry (his real name is Larry but that’s beside the point). Larry Harry and I used to go to bars together where I played the role of his happily-married-here-to-help-wingman. Every trip to the bar included the traditional opening ceremony. We called it “a lap.” […]
It’s hard for me to enjoy that one last thin-mint Girl Scout cookie knowing that I have to wait another six months before the Girl Scouts start selling them again. Likewise, it’s going to be hard to enjoy the NFL Draft knowing that once it’s over nobody knows what comes next. For some — I […]
Sitting here watching the Suns and the Spurs play in the final game of the regular season and I’m wondering where it all went wrong. How, why, when did it go wrong? One of my favorite U2 songs is “Moment of Surrender” off the No Line on the Horizon album. When was the Suns Moment […]
I found that the only time I was entertained by the HBO show “Entourage” was when the Jeremy Piven character, Ari, was on screen. When he’s in front of me, I’m engaged. When he’s not, I’m not. I feel exactly the same way about Tiger Woods and golf, and I hardly think I’m alone. So […]
Some things in life are so simple you hardly need to think about them. Instinct takes over. When you’re tired, you sleep. Thirsty, you drink. When you’re driving cross country and need something mellow to listen to, you pick Springsteen’s Tunnel of Love. When you’re hung-over, you eat In-N-Out Burger. Want to turn off your […]
I guess I’m rooting for Butler. I guess. I don’t want to paint myself as an anti-Cinderella elitist. Anti-Cinderella this time of year is like anti-presents around Christmas. Anti-turkey around Thanksgiving. Anti-chocolate bunnies…. You get the point. As the very Cinderella Butler Bulldogs — having just dispatched of the very, very Cinderella VCU Rams — […]
In what can only be described as some bizarro-psychological experiment, two baseball fans have been chosen to watch and document every single baseball game this season. They’ll show up to work in a 15,000 square foot, glass enclosed “fancave” that will be visible to people walking by on the street in New York City. Inside […]
It happens in Hollywood all the time. An once great actor bumbles and stumbles their way through bad movie after bad movie, falls further and further off the public’s radar screen, and just when you think they’re never going to matter ever again…… Bang. John Travolta stars in Pulp Fiction. Follow @Tyler_Bassett
I love hypothetical conversations. Who would win in a battle between Batman and Superman? Who is the bigger bad ass, Chuck Norris or Jack Bauer? What Hollywood hottie could walk through those doors right now that your wife would give you the “hall pass” for? Silly bar room conversations that have absolutely zero foundation in […]
In what has become a rite of spring for most Diamondbacks fans, news of Brandon Webb’s shoulder is not good. Fortunately for D-backs fans, Webb is no longer a member of the D-backs. He’s on the Rangers. According to a report by nbcsports.com, Webb had to be shutdown….again….with lingering shoulder problems. Stop me if you’ve […]
Amar’e Stoudemire left the bench and Suns fans lost their minds. But in the race to play the blame game, everybody (well…just about everybody) forgot to blame the real culprit: Amar’e Stoudemire. Don’t worry. I’m not here to tear open old wounds. Just using Stoudemire’s ill fated decision as an example that sometimes the simple […]
It’s 8:34 on the Wednesday night before the NCAA Tournament and it’s time. Time to enter the Madness. I feel like Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now, getting ready to head up the river in search of Colonel Kurtz. But instead of Marlon Brando, I will find Bill Self lamenting the horror…the horror. The following is […]
I hope you treated the day with the proper reverence and respect. Paid tribute to Jimmy V and Phi Slamma Jamma. Laughed at the memory of a timeout that didn’t exist. Messed up your grandpa’s perfect coifed white hair. I hope your pencils were sharpened, your pens filled with ink and your brackets at the […]
It’s time for a little story. Once upon a time there was a football team called the Arizona Cardinals. And they weren’t any good at all. The players were virtually unwatchable. The ownership was about as motivated as a teenager with homework. The stands were empty; a mixture of shiny gold colored metal and drab […]
It was literally the perfect metaphor. On Sunday, my wife (code name: Decision Maker) was standing at the counter preparing to light the candles on my 40th birthday pie but I wouldn’t let her. Not until the Suns/Thunder game ended. Frustrated, the DM sighed and put the pie back in the fridge. I know what […]
