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Sports Kabob – 5/6

Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

This week the Diamondbacks celebrated Cinco de Mayo by holding a party for all of the team’s players and families
The event was not entirely successful, however. Several children went home without candy when the D-backs players couldn’t break the pinata because they kept swinging and missing it

Cinco de Mayo was celebrated throughout the sports world, by many different people
The D-backs hitters celebrated Cinco de Mayo by going south

The Detroit Red Wings celebrated Cinco de Mayo by filling the Stanley Cup with Guacamole

Brett Favre celebrated Cinco De Mayo by announcing he is unretiring to make a comeback in the Mexican Soccer League

Michael Vick celebrated Cinco de Mayo by getting arrested for running an illegal cock fighting ring

A-Rod celebrated Cinco de Mayo by having his cousin inject him with spicy salsa

Plaxico Burress celebrated Cinco de Mayo by injuring his leg after getting hit by a self inflicted shot…of tequila

The three-month code of conduct suspension levied against Michael Phelps has come to an end
While Phelps has not announced whether or not he will immediately go back to swimming, he has confirmed he will immediately go to back to White Castle

In a magazine interview, Paula Abdul admitted that she has an addiction to painkillers
Even more shocking, Abdul went on to announce that she is meeting with the Vikings this week to be their quarterback

Manny Pacquiao defeated Ricky Hatton by knock out in the second round Saturday night in Las Vegas, to be crowned the undisputed pound-for-pound champion
While the loss is upsetting, Hatton said the physical damage Pacquiao caused ,such as a battered face and broken teeth, are not a problem since after all, he is British

50-1 longshot Mine That Bird won the Kentucky Derby Saturday at Churchill Downs
Experts say there hasn’t been this big of an upset by something that looks like a horse since John Kerry won the Democratic nomination in ‘04

Ratings for the Kentucky Derby were the highest since 1992
Analysts call the Derby the most exciting 2 minutes in sports, not involving A-Rod and Madonna

NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is skeptical of Jim Balsillie’s offer to buy the Phoenix Coyotes, saying he isn’t sure the BlackBerry boss could gain approval of league owners.
Bettman went on to say that he feels the NHL and its owners would never go for the sale because it “makes sense and would help the league, and frankly that’s not the way we do things around here”

That’s all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen asking if anyone wants to buy a slightly used swine flu mask.