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Sports Kabob – 7/8

Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

Several reports have emerged that Xavier player Jordan Crawford dunked on reigning NBA MVP LeBron James at the LeBron James Skills Academy on Monday night. Embarrassed by the schooling, James asked Lynn Merritt, senior director of Nike basketball, to confiscate all tapes and proof of the dunk from attending photographers.
So apparently in this situation, we will not all be witnesses

Competing in his first Tour de France in years, Lance Armstrong currently stands in second place, just seconds behind the leader
When asked if he thought he would be doing this well in his return, Armstrong said “to think that I’d have to be half nuts”

South African construction workers went on an indefinite strike Wednesday at stadiums being built for the 2010 World Cup — a move that could derail Africa’s historic first World Cup tournament.
This is the 7th construction delay in South Africa during their World Cup preparation, but it is the first one that was not caused by tiger attacks

Chicago White Sox pitcher Bartolo Colon is scheduled to make a minor league rehab start for Triple-A Charlotte on Thursday. Unfortunately, neither the White Sox or the Charlotte club know where Colon is, and they have now gotten the authorities involved
Experts say this will be the most public search for a colon not involving Katie Couric

The Boston Celtics have signed veteran forward Rasheed Wallace, one of this year’s most coveted free agents.
The Celtics said they signed Wallace because while they had plenty of leadership, scoring, and defense, they lacked in crazy

Kobe Bryant appeared and spoke at Tuesday’s Michael Jackson memorial in Los Angeles
Bryant said how sorry he felt when he heard Jackson died, and how sorry he felt for Jackson’s children.
Then, out of habit, he bought his wife a 4 million dollar diamond ring

The University of South Carolina has reported 14 NCAA secondary violations from the past six months, including one for an improper text message to a recruit and another for “impermissible snacks.”
In fact, the state of South Carolina said the school has been so shady and dishonest that they are thinking of naming it governor

Kentucky Derby- and Preakness-winning trainer Rick Dutrow was suspended for 30 days on Tuesday for violating doping rules.
Many fans have long suspected that some of the horses in this year’s triple crown were doping, specifically Rachel Alexandra, whose testicles shrunk so much from steroid use you couldn’t even see them

Former New York Mets outfielder Lenny Dykstra has sought bankruptcy protection in Los Angeles, citing more than $31 million in debts.
Dykstra blames most of his financial troubles on the rising cost of chewing tobacco

Formula One boss Bernie Ecclestone dismissed calls for his resignation Monday in the wake of his praise for Adolf Hitler. Ecclestone, F1’s commercial rights holder, has come under fire from Jewish groups and British politicians following an interview published Saturday in The Times of London during which he said democracy wasn’t effective and singled out Hitler as a strong leader.
Ecclestone claims his comments were misunderstood and that he would never praise Hitler or what he did. He then announced Formula One’s plans to invade Poland

That’s all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen wondering when the television and radio is going to start covering Michael Jackson’s death. I’ve barely heard anything about it