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Sports Kabob – 8/26

Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

Facing the prospect of spending at least 3½ years behind bars, one-time Super Bowl star Plaxico Burress on Thursday accepted a plea bargain with a two-year prison sentence for a firearm charge
While some feel that this sentence is harsh, most everyone agrees that it was excessive to also blame Burress for the death of Michael Jackson.

The firearm charge stemmed from an incident in which Burress accidentally shot himself in the thigh at a Manhattan nightclub with an unregistered gun
This is the most trouble someone has gotten into for getting caught shooting off his pistol in public since Pee Wee Herman.

This week marked the 20th anniversary of Pete Rose being banned from Major League Baseball
Also, this week marked another milestone for Rose, as he was surpassed for “most hits” by the nude Erin Andrews internet video.

Miami Heat forward Michael Beasley checked into a Houston rehabilitation facility for treatment last week. Sources say he is battling substance abuse and depression
Insiders are surprised by this news, because usually when someone is depressed and drinking in the NBA its because they play for the Clippers.

Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme, who once tried to assassinate President Ford, was released from prison after 34 years behind bars
She was then immediately signed by the Philadelphia Eagles.

Johan Santana needs surgery for bone chips in his left elbow and the star pitcher is out for the season, the latest blow to a New York Mets team battered by injuries.
Mets fans say they really felt robbed this season because of the onslaught of injuries to their starters, saying they didn’t even have the chance to watch the team collapse in September.

According to UK newspaper The Sun, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson is set to play the role of B.A. Baracus, made famous by Laurence “Mr. T.” Tureaud, in the upcoming remake of The A-Team.
And in even more surprising news, MMA star Chuck “The Iceman” Liddell has agreed to star as the title role in a the upcoming remake of Mr Belevedere.

Shaquille O’neal will be taking on Michael Phelps in a few weeks on his reality show “Shaq Vs.”
When asked if he will also go on a 10,000 calorie a day meal plan like Phelps, Shaq replied “naw, I dont really want to go on a diet”.

Louisville coach Rick Pitino said Wednesday a sex scandal involving a woman accused of trying to extort him has been “pure hell” for his family, and that the airing of her claims made him angry enough to speak out against his lawyer’s advice.
However, Pitino said that it has not all been bad. He did receive a sponsorship offer from Burger King after admitting that he likes to have it his way when in a restaurant.

A bus carrying Cleveland Indians players to a game against the Kansas City Royals was involved in a traffic accident
Apparently, this was the Indians way of paying tribute to the late Ted Kennedy.

For more of my observations on the world of sports, as well as politics, entertainment and current events, follow me on twitter @JarrettGC.

That’s all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen saying how sad I am that the Little League World Series is going on, and for the first time in years Michael Jackson won’t be there to enjoy it.