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Sports Kabob 9/9

Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

San Diego Chargers star outside linebacker Shawne Merriman was arrested Sunday and accused of choking and restraining reality TV star Tila Tequila as she tried to leave his suburban home
This came as surprising news to everyone, since San Diego Chargers don’t usually choke until January.

Shawne Merriman said he did not harm Tequila at his home early Sunday and added he was concerned for her safety because she appeared to be intoxicated.
Tequila’s representatives say this is false and that they hope this story doesn’t ruin the reputation of the tattooed, bisexual, nude modeling MTV reality TV star.

Oregon running back Lagarrette Blount was suspended for the season after punching a Boise State player in the face after a game
Blount was then immediately hired as head coach of the Raiders.

After a drawn-out recruitment by the Memphis Grizzlies, Allen Iverson finally confirmed Wednesday morning that he is indeed ready to sign with them, announcing via his Twitter feed: “God Chose Memphis as the place that I will continue my career.”
When reached for comment, God said that he had no relationship with the Memphis Grizzlies, and that they were more likely the work of the guy downstairs.

Chad Ochocinco is working on a tweet surprise for the NFL. The flamboyant receiver promised something new for the Cincinnati Bengals opener Sunday against the Denver Broncos at Paul Brown Stadium
This is expected to be the most exciting thing to happen on Twitter since Ashton Kutcher tweeted about eating a grilled cheese sandwich last month.

BYU defeated #3 ranked Oklahoma 14-13 on Saturday after Heisman winner Sam Bradford was injured
Experts say this was the worst day for a former Heisman winner that didn’t involve a White Ford Bronco.

On Tuesday, President Obama spoke to students, expressing how important it is to study and get an education
Unless of course you are really, really good at sports.

The large aluminum No. 8 Cal Ripken statue outside the Camden Yards ballpark was stolen Tuesday night by four young men who were arrested about two hours later, Baltimore police said. The monument was recovered
However, in the true spirit of Ripken, the young men said they plan on stealing the statue again every day for the next 17 years.

The University of Alabama system’s Board of Trustees compensation committee unanimously approved Nick Saban’s three-year extension through Jan. 31, 2018, on Wednesday that doesn’t include a salary hike but rewards him for staying put and guarantees that he will remain among college football’s five highest paid coaches
Insiders go on to say that if Saban stays long enough, he may even make as much money as some of the Alabama players.

After months of ambiguity, the Browns have selected Brady Quinn to be their starting quarterback
The Browns quarterback situation was the biggest mystery in Cleveland since the eternal question of “what’s that smell?”

For more of my observations on the world of sports, as well as politics, entertainment and current events, follow me on twitter @JarrettGC.

That’s all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen saying that the new Beatles Rock Band game is great, but stay away from the Yoko Ono expansion pack