Christmas Carols 2009

Here Comes Tiger Woods
To the tune of “Here Comes Santa Claus”

Here comes Tiger woods here comes Tiger woods, right down Tiger’s drive way
Bleeding and sleeping, and also shoeless much to his dismay
His cell phone ringing, wife is swinging a golf club with all her might
Hang your head and say your prayers, cause Tiger is screwed tonight

Here comes Tiger Woods, here comes Tiger Woods, looking for his next lay
He’s got a closet filled with skeletons
Girls just stored away

Skanks and hos, and babes and pornstars
All saying they spent the night
With Tiger in bed, his marriage is dead, yea Tiger is
screwed tonight
Here come mistresses, here come mistresses, a new one ever-y day

He doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor
He loves you just the same
His wife’s in Sweden, his face is beaten, details are
coming to light
Just click on TMZ to see how Tiger is screwed tonight

Where is Tiger Woods? Where is Tiger Woods?
He’s got nothing to say
He won’t come around, he’s taking some time off
To get his wife to stay

Fans are angry, sponsors nervous
Dropping him left and right
All because he drove his balls into the wrong holes
tonight!

Little Obama Boy
To the tune of “Little Drummer Boy”

Run, they told me parumpapumpum
You’ll make history parumpapumpum
Pick Joe as your VP parumpapumpum
It’ll all be great you’ll see parumpapumpum rumpapumpum rumpapumpum
Boy was I dumb

The Right is on my back parumpapumpum
Health care they attack parumpapumpum
The climate’s out of wack parumpapumpum
And we’re still in Iraq parumpapumpum rumpapumpum rumpapumpum
This is not fun

Bailed out the economy parumpapumpum
Banks and Auto industry parumpapumpum
Won a Nobel Prize for Peace parumpapumpum
Met the Salahis parumpapumpum rumpapumpum rumpapumpum
Why did I run?

Twilight
To the tune of “Silent Night”

Opening night, seeing Twilight
Theaters full, tweens crammed inside
Edward or Jacob which team are you on?
New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn
Losers with fake pointy tee-eeth
Pale losers with fake pointy teeth

Paris Hilton
To the tune of ‘Let it snow”

Well my music career is frightful
And my acting is not delightful
But my family has lots of dough
And I’m a Ho I’m a Ho I’m a Ho

World Wide hatred for me is growing
While I party with Lindsay Lohan
And my IQ is really low
I’m a Ho I’m a Ho I’m a Ho

Im’ just so filthy rich
And I have been since I was born
And I’m such a stupid…girl
I made a homemade dirty porn

Well my acting career is dying
And my album nobodies buying
And they cancelled my TV show
I’m a Ho I’m a Ho I’m a Ho

The Year in TV
To the tune of “Do you hear what I hear?”

Said the black man to the little blond
I’ma let you finish
But Beyonce has the best video
I’ma let you finish
Kanye, Kanye, you were a fool that night
You know its just the VMAs right? You know it’s just the VMAs right?

Said the British man to Susan Boyle
Do you hear what I hear?
Though you look like such a hag
Do you hear what I hear?
A song, a song, filling up the room
Wait until this gets on Youtube. Just wait til this gets on Youtube

Said Letterman to the audience
Do you want a story?
I’m being blackmailed by a goon
Do you want a story?
I slept and slept, with women at my work
Who knew that I was such a jerk? My wife really thinks I’m a jerk

Said the public to Jon and Kate
Listen to us closely
Get the Hell off my TV
Listen to us closely
We’re tired, we’re tired, of you and your plus 8
Your problems have filled us with hate, your problems

have filled us with hate

Becky it’s Warm Outside
To the tune of “Baby it’s Cold Outside”
Duet by Glen Beck and Al Gore
Beck – Gore

I really can say – Becky its warm outside
The ice caps look ok – Becky its warm outside
Your comments have been – I hoped you would understand
Not very nice – The polar caps are no longer ice
Maybe penguins want to be warm – Becky, its doing them harm
Wouldn’t you like a new shore – Listen to the polar bear roar
Besides id rather stay inside – Becky, drop your pride
Well maybe we should just go to war- Just listen to your old friend Al Gore

The liberals might think – Becky, it’s amazing out there
That we’re right on the brink – The temperature’s raising out there
I wish I knew how – You’re a Limbaugh wanna-be now
To talk and not yell – Doesn’t my Nobel Peace Prize look swell?
I’m trained to say no, no, no, sir – The end is getting closer
But it will be warm in the fall – What’s the use? you’re killing us all
The oil companies pay- They just put more harm out
(both sing)Ah but its warm out-side(both sing)

Come on Becky

What do scientists know? –Becky it’s warm outside
Oh, who really likes snow? – Becky it’s warm outside
This winter has been- And we’re in a war we can’t win
So nice and warm- That’s a sign you should be alarmed
The weather is a bit suspicious- You should be more ambitious
But I don’t like freezing rain- You’ll never have to see it again
I’ll just put it on Barack- Now that’s just crazy talk
I’m sure communism’s to blame- Becky you’re completely insane

We can just move to Nome- It’ll be warm out there
Or to the superdome- 2nd times a charm out there
Well I like getting tanned- The weather is getting out of hand
And I really can’t tell- It will be hotter than hell
What it will be like tomorrow- There will be lifelong sorrow
The data only implies- When every living thing on earth dies
What, I really can’t say- They’ll be no more snow storms out
(both sing)Becky its warm out-side! (both sing)

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