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Sports Kabob – 2/17

Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

The Olympic Opening Ceremonies went off earlier this week despite several technical problems that occurred during the torch lighting
Experts are calling the ceremonies the biggest disaster involving Wayne Gretzky since his stint running the Coyotes

Vancouver has had to deal with rain, low snow fall and warm weather during the Olympics so far
In fact, there has been so little snow that the only place in Vancouver where there’s white powder is in the Colombian team’s hotel room

Lindsey Vonn of the United States, fighting off an injured right shin, won the women’s Olympic downhill on Tuesday — the first of five races she plans to enter at the Vancouver Games.
Vonn, who was injured last week, was worked on all week by doctors in Vancouver and was able to compete. When President Obama heard about this he called it proof that Canadian public healthcare works

The Daytona 500 was delayed for hours due to a pot hole on the track
The hole would have only taken a few minutes to fix, but union rules required that only one worker work on the pot hole at a time while the other three workers stood around and smoked cigarettes

The Daytona 500 was won by Jamie McMurray, who drove a Chevrolet
McMurray was originally slated to drive a Toyota, but was forced to reconsider after being unable to stop his car to pit during practice

Two members of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals walked into the center ring at Madison Square Garden and held up signs that said “Mutts Rule” and “Breeders Kill Shelter Dogs’ Chances,” the latter a slogan popularized by PETA. The crowd of 15,000 gasped at the protest, then booed the well-dressed women and cheered as security ushered them away without incident
The PETA members didn’t object to the way the winning dogs were treated, but were upset at a new rule that gave custody of all losing dogs to Michael Vick

Wide receiver Donte’ Stallworth has signed a one-year contract with the Baltimore Ravens, hoping to resurrect a career that was halted by a manslaughter conviction.
Stallworth will join Ray Lewis to form what Ravens PR people are already dubbing the “Murderingest team in the NFL!”

Nuggets coach George Karl has been diagnosed with neck and throat cancer and likely will miss some games and practices while undergoing a rigorous six-week treatment program of radiation and chemotherapy.
As to not disturb the chemistry of the team, while Karl is gone the team will replace him with John Lithgow and hope no one notices

Tiger Woods will break his silence Friday, at which time he will speak to a small circle of confidantes in Florida and apologize for his behavior and discuss his plans for the future
This will not be the first time Woods has spoken about his affairs and mistresses to a close group of his friends. However, this will be the first time that there won’t be high fives involved

The Oakland Raiders and Sebastian Janikowski reached agreement Tuesday on the richest kicking contract in NFL history.
Raiders owner Al Davis says Janikowski will primarily be used to kick each remaining Raiders fan squarely in the nuts

That’s all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen saying that despite mutual interest, I will not be traded for Amare Stoudemire

For more of my observations on the world of sports, as well as politics, entertainment and current events, follow me on twitter @JarrettGC.