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Sports Kabob – 4/14

Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

Phil Mickelson won the Masters on Sunday.
While it was heartwarming to hear that Mickelson dedicated his final round to his wife Amy, it was awkward to hear that Tiger Woods had also dedicated his final round to Phil’s wife Amy

A video of what appears to be Dallas Cowboys owner/general manager Jerry Jones disparaging former Cowboys coach Bill Parcells and Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow surfaced Tuesday.
They say “appears to be Jerry Jones” because after all his plastic surgery, the video could actually have been of a talking lizard, a wax mannequin, or Heidi Montag.

Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger took part in offseason conditioning work for the first time this spring on Wednesday.
Although this is his first official work out, Ben did work on his arm strength, physicality, and escapablity in that bathroom in Georgia

A Pittsburgh company that markets food products endorsed by local sports stars has ended its beef jerky sponsorship deal with Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger.
You know your image suffering when you no longer are suitable to represent a dried salted meat snack whose primary market is truckers and hillbillies

Kentucky head coach John Calipari has landed yet another elite guard to replace departed sensation John Wall. Brandon Knight, the nation’s No. 3 overall player in the class of 2010, chose the Wildcats at a press conference broadcast live on ESPNU Wednesday
Knight says he looks forward to attending Kentucky and expects his Wildcat career to be the best year of his life.

Knight wasn’t the only top recruit to make a decision this week.
Much coveted prospect Josh Selby, expected to choose between Arizona and Kansas, shocked everyone when he decided to instead sign with TBS

While Larry Brown isn’t sure how much longer he’ll be on the bench, the nomadic basketball Hall of Famer insists the Charlotte Bobcats will be his last coaching job.
That is unless team owner Michael Jordan loses the rights to Brown’s contract in a poker game

After hounding Major League Baseball and its players union over steroids, Congress now wants the sport to ban smokeless tobacco. The proposal has already drawn mixed reactions from the baseball community.
Braves manager Bobby Cox is against banning smokeless tobacco, Dodgers manager Joe Torre is for banning smokeless tobacco, and Rangers manager Ron Washington is fine with banning smokeless tobacco, as long as he can continue to use smokeless cocaine

The much-maligned grass field at the Citrus Bowl will be replaced with artificial turf in time for next year’s game.
And because of this, the Citrus Bowl will be changing its name to the Plastic Fruit Bowl

The NFL is taking Vince Lombardi to Broadway. For the first time, the league will help produce a Broadway play, its first venture into live theater. The league will serve as a special producing partner of “Lombardi,” which will star Dan Lauria, a regular on the TV show “The Wonder Years” and former college football player and high school coach.
If successful, the NFL hopes to produce several other Broadway shows, including My Fair Brady, Music Man-ning, PhilRivers on the Roof, Brees-us Christ Superstar, Ochocinco and the Beast, and Les Miserable (the story of the Detroit Lions)

That’s all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen saying that I was under the impression that all hockey games were a “white out”

For more of my observations on the world of sports, as well as politics, entertainment and current events, follow me on twitter @JarrettGC.