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Sports Kabob – 6/16

Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

The World Cup started in South Africa
The first day of action featured two draws. In fact, the World Cup has had more ties than a David Carradine sex party

South Africans have taken to playing loud, buzzing horns called vuvuzelas during each game of the World Cup
This is all part of FIFA’s revolutionary plan to make watching a soccer game somehow even less enjoyable

Switzerland defeated number one ranked Spain 1-0 in the first big upset of the tournament
Experts say this is the most shocking thing to come from Spain since Pau Gasol’s face

Spain had many scoring opportunities but could not convert against Switzerland
After the game, the South Africans in attendance were excited, the Spanish were infuriated, and the Swiss were neutral

USA earned a 1-1 draw against heavily favored England on Saturday, due to English goalie Robert Green’s costly misplay on a USA shot
Green has now become the most notorious Brit to get in trouble for fumbling a ball since George Michael

Robert Green has been heavily criticized by the British media for his mistake in the USA-England match
In fact, the British have said that Green is such a screw up that he should work for their Petroleum company

Reggie Bush says the NCAA’s punishment of USC feels like “the closest thing to death without dying” and that he will fully support USC’s appeal of the sanctions.
Bush said it was the least he could do, considering everything the university gave to him, wink wink.

The Arizona Diamondbacks traded outfielder Conor Jackson to the Oakland Athletics for minor league reliever Sam Demel on Tuesday, the first of what could be a series of moves by the sputtering team.
D-backs fans will miss Jackson, who many locals say had the thickest eyebrows in Arizona since Janet Napolitano

Pac-10 commissioner Larry Scott said Wednesday that he has no animosity toward Texas for declining an invitation to join his conference.
Although it should be pointed out that Scott was seen taking a dump in a 10 gallon hat

Brett Favre’s doctor indicated Wednesday that his recent ankle surgery went well and the quarterback has a few more weeks of rehabilitation before he’ll decide if he’ll return for a 20th NFL season.
Although Favre’s doctor said the surgery went well, the same doctor was also quoted as saying that he thought Heidi Montag’s surgeries went well

That’s all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen saying that if the Suns are looking for another UA grad who has no General Managing experience, I’m available

For more of my observations on the world of sports, as well as politics, entertainment and current events, follow me on twitter @JarrettGC.