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Sports Kabob – 7/28

Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

Reports from Cowboys training camp say Dez Bryant refused to carry Roy Williams’ pads
Also, reports out of Cardinals training camp say Matt Leinart can’t carry Kurt Warner’s jock

Bryant apologized and said he was unaware that hazing was part of the rookie experience in the NFL
Then, to comply with other time honored NFL traditions, Bryant promptly impregnated a groupie and got arrested at a strip club

Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino told a jury Wednesday that a woman accused of demanding millions from him had sex with him after whispering to him and unzipping his pants in an empty Italian restaurant.
Pitino says he was not upset about the sexual encounter, but was terribly embarrassed when it was revealed that the Italian restaurant was an Olive Garden

Boise State University President Bob Kustra says he sees no reason to continue a longtime football rivalry with the University of Idaho, calling Vandal culture “nasty” and “inebriated.”
Says the Idaho President ,”they think we’re inebriated? The people at Boise St drink so much, they painted their field blue”

West Virginia coach Bob Huggins broke seven ribs, not four, as previously reported, in a fall in his hotel room Friday in Las Vegas, Mountaineers assistant Billy Hahn said Tuesday.
Hahn went on to say that Huggins also did not fall over a coffee table like originally reported, but rather tripped over a dead hooker

Terrell Owens signed a one year deal with the Bengals to join fellow reality star Chad Ochocinco
While some worry there may not be enough footballs to go around, a greater concern may be if there are enough cameras to go around

Sidney Crosby says he’s happy with the Winter Classic setup at Heinz Field in Pittsburgh
Crosby said that several Heinz Field employees raved about the condition of the playing surface, while Ben Roethlisberger vouched for the roominess of the stadium’s bathrooms

Houston Rockets center Yao Ming is considering quitting basketball after next season if he doesn’t fully recover from his lingering foot injury
Yao has threatened to retire before, but every time he’s done playing, he feels like playing again in 2 hours

Tiger Woods has entered the Bridgestone Invitational next week at Firestone, where he is the defending champion and a seven-time winner of the World Golf Championship.
Woods does admit however that he only agreed to participate in the tournament when he misunderstood Bridgestone’s promise that they’d send him “free rubber protection for his riding needs”

Tim Tebow signed a deal to become the new spokesman for Jockey underwear.
Unfortunately, to secure Tebow’s endorsement, they had to agree to outfit each new pair of underpants with a chastity belt

That’s all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen saying forget illegal immigration, we need a bill keeping the streets safe from Lindsay Lohan

For more of my observations on the world of sports, as well as politics, entertainment and current events, follow me on twitter @JarrettGC.