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Sports Kabob – 8/4

Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

Prop 8 was declared unconstitutional in California today, once again legalizing gay marriage
Brett Favre is happy for this decision and feels that everyone should be allowed to marry the person they love most in the world, which is why Favre recently proposed to himself

There were rumors that Brett Favre was retiring this week when he sent a text message to teammates saying “This is it”
Unfortunately, few reporters noticed a second text message sent minutes later saying “is my favorite concert film about Michael Jackson”

Brett Favre told ESPN’s Ed Werder in Hattiesburg, Miss., on Wednesday that he has not made any decision about returning to play for the Minnesota Vikings this season and says he will play if healthy.
Favre says he is still recovering from off season ankle surgery, as well as extreme thigh chaffing due to playing pick up football in Wrangler jeans

Alex Rodriguez finally hit his 600th career home run on Wednesday at Yankee Stadium.
Experts say this is the biggest achievement for someone who took performance enhancers since Hugh Hefner dated triplets shortly after the invention of Viagra

Rodriguez became just the 7th man in history to join the 600 home run club
And, after Babe Ruth and Willie Mays, he became just the third man in the club to have once dated Madonna

Shaquille O’Neal has decided to join the Boston Celtics, according to sources with knowledge of the situation.
With the 38-year-old Shaq now joining veterans Garnett, Allen and Pierce in Boston, the Celtics have announced that they will be replacing their normal pregame workout with “group naptime”

New Jersey center Brook Lopez, struggling to recover from a bout with mono, has withdrawn from the U.S. national team
And by mono, they of course mean mono-toned Andre the Giant like talking

US Soccer announced that Midfielder Jermaine Jones was picked for the roster for the United States’ exhibition game against Brazil on Tuesday, the first match for both nations as they prepare for the 2014 World Cup.
“How cute” says the American sports fan, “soccer thinks they’re still newsworthy.”

Racing relies on tens of thousands of gallons of fuel each year to power cars, but when Pocono Raceway flipped the switch on its 25-acre solar farm last week for the Pennsylvania 500, a NASCAR track became the world’s largest solar-powered sports facility.
Now if NASCAR can just figure out a way for its fans to not use so much gasoline to drive their homes

LeBron James has taken out a full-page ad in his hometown paper in which he thanks the people of Akron, Ohio, for supporting him — and doesn’t mention the city where he played basketball the last seven years.
In all fairness to Lebron, he did mention the city several times in the original draft of the ad, but the newspaper refused to print the phrase “Screw you Cleveland”

That’s all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen wishing Barack Obama a happy 49th! I hope he gets what he really wants for his birthday: for BP to plug the oil leak with Glen Beck

For more of my observations on the world of sports, as well as politics, entertainment and current events, follow me on twitter @JarrettGC.