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Burns: The Suns are like a junior high dance

In my library of analogies (and if you know me or the show you know I love a good analogy) I’ve got a few classics. To me a good analogy is like a cup of coffee. Day just isn’t complete without at least one.

Time to dust off one of those classics to put the Suns offseason in terms I can relate to:

It’s The Junior High Dance analogy.

Remember the Junior High Dance? Boys on one side of the gym, the girls on the other. And nobody dancing. Music blaring (when I was in Junior High it was Wham! Dear God what a nightmare), disco ball spinning and the whole room stuck to the wall completely paralyzed by fear. Just a bunch of pimply faced, awkward pre-teens who had no idea how or if or when to ask someone to dance.

So they just stand there and try and look cool.

That’s the Suns offseason in a nutshell.

Standing around, not knowing how or if or when to do something. Not sure if they should cross the room and ask someone to dance or go to the punch bowl in search of liquid courage (the non-alcoholic kind of course).

Here’s what I mean.

They talk of signing Steve Nash to a long term extension. They call giving a 35-year-old point guard a boat load of money the top priority. Debatable to begin with. And yet they do nothing to bolster the roster in an effort to convince Nash this is where he should finish his career. It’s going to take more than money with Nash. Would you want to stay? Wouldn’t you look at the West (LA, San Antonio and Dallas) and say, if you’re Nash…why would I want to be in Phoenix?

They seem content to keep Amare Stoudamire for now with the hopes they’ll be a playoff team next year. And yet he was halfway out the door to Golden State on draft night (or so it seemed).

They talk of being interested in bringing Shawn Marion back. But while they’re busy talking about it, the Mavericks are out there doing it.

They’ve put a priority on bringing Grant Hill back. Is he the difference maker for this team in the West? In light of Marion to the Mavs, Ron Artest to the Lakers and Richard Jefferson to the Spurs it seems unlikely Hill tips the scales in their favor.

Eventually a boy walks across the room at the Jr. High Dance and asks a girl to shake it to the sounds of Whitney Houston (Dear God what-a-nightmare part 2).

Eventually the Suns will do the same.

But for now the organization seem perfectly content to wait and watch while others do what they can’t or won’t.