Burns: Aiming for Frasier

As far as finales go, I’m pretty sure where Tuesday night’s last ever 620 Sportsline ranks.

It wasn’t sad and sappy like MASH. This wasn’t Hawkeye Pierce flying away in a helicopter while BJ Honnicutt drives away on the motorcycle with the words GOODBYE spelled out with rocks.

It wasn’t confusing like The Soprano’s. I suppose we could have played “Don’t Stop Believing” on our way out the door and cut off the microphones mid-sentence and let you decide for yourself what it all meant, but we didn’t.

It wasn’t high-concept like Newhart. I didn’t wake up at the end and realize the whole thing was just a dream.

It was like Cheers. Man walks down the stairs and Sam Malone tells him, “We’re closed.” But that’s not exactly the end of the story. Don’t forget, Cheers had one of the best spin off shows in the history of spin-offs: Frasier.

That’s what I want my new job to be. I want it to be Frasier; I think it will be. I hope it’s not Beverly Hills Buntz (That lousy Hill Street Blues spinoff with Dennis Franz) or Joey (Friends). If it’s Joanie Loves Chachi, God help us all.

Let’s clear up a couple of myths and/or questions. I didn’t get fired (though I appreciate all the outraged emailers who sent notes to me, my boss, his boss, Gambo, Wolf, and my mother). I’m sitting at the same desk I always have, haven’t gone anywhere. Though I am truly flattered by all the folks out there who would have missed me had I been fired.

And for those who question the wisdom of canceling The 620 Sportsline, I understand and I’m sorry. But I hate to be the bearer of bad news, it’s been done before. A couple of times that I can remember, and once that I was actually a part of (somebody decided the show should be newsier, so we changed the name of it to The Night Shift with Dave Burns – let’s just say I wasn’t exactly Bryant Gumble rockin’ the Today show).

The truth of the matter is that The 620 Sportsline was hardly ever on. Next week….two shows. The week after that….one. When D-backs season comes along, The 620 Sportsline is like some hibernating animal that sleeps during the summer instead of the winter.

Imagine if you’re favorite TV show was on every now and then, never on the same night, sometimes for a half hour, sometimes for two hours. Pretty tough to keep up with it, especially in today’s modern age.

We’re now living in a iworld. Everything is downloadable. Everything can be had on your schedule and your timeline. Everything you want to listen to is on your phone, or your laptop.

So if you’re a fan of the show, or of me, first of all, thanks. I truly appreciate it.

Second, I’m still here. You’ll hear me on our Web site, you’ll see me on our Web site, you’ll be able to interact with me on the Web site. We’ve got a lot of highfalutin consultant-types who insist this is the future and frankly I’m inclined to agree with them.

I tell my kids all the time of this poster my science teacher used to have in his classroom. A picture of a giant dinosaur with the phrase ADAPT OR DIE written beneath it. It’s what my son told me when I told him about this gig. I’m really excited about it and I think you’ll like it too.

After all, who really thought that a show starring the nerdy shrink from Cheers (who was the third funniest guy at the bar behind Cliff and Norm) would set an all time record with 37 Emmy Awards.

• Photos from the 620 Sportsline finale

• Audio from the 620 Sportsline finale

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