Burns: Dealing in hypotheticals

Mar 24, 2011, 4:21 AM | Updated: 3:46 pm

I love hypothetical conversations.

Who would win in a battle between Batman and Superman?

Who is the bigger bad ass, Chuck Norris or Jack Bauer?

What Hollywood hottie could walk through those doors right
now that your wife would give you the “hall pass” for?

Silly bar room conversations that have absolutely zero
foundation in reality. Kinda like the conversation about
the next quarterback for the Arizona Cardinals. Completely
hypothetical, pure speculation and 100% awesome.

We all understand that nothing can happen, right? Yes,
there is going to be a draft in a few weeks. And yes, you
can trade picks for picks but until the league and players
come up with a new agreement you can’t trade players and
you can’t sign players. Nothing can happen. But that
hasn’t stopped a single soul from engaging in a now daily
search for the latest hint, insinuation or flat out rumor.
It’s turned respected NFL writers into gossiping teenage

“Um, so like, I heard from Adam who told me that a guy
at 31 Flavors told him the Cardinals were making a huge
push for Kolb, and I’m like that would be beast. But then
I passed a note to Mort in Science, and he told me that
the Cards are totally sure the Broncos are going to start
Tebow, and I’m like, no way, does that mean Orton is free?
That would be tight. And he’s like I don’t know, maybe. So
I texted Jason, and he’s all, well how does Mort know
that? And I’m like, I don’t know. And then he’s all, well
I heard Bulger was epic in practice last year, they want
him. But then John tweeted me and he for sure thinks
Palmer is going to retire. OMG. But his BFF Peter is
telling everyone Palmer would rather retire. That’s so

Ok, maybe not quite like that.

But it is stunning to me how many resources are being
devoted to chasing down rumors that simply cannot happen
until there is a new CBA. I do it too. It’s either that
or talk about lawyers, lockouts and litigation.
But while these conversations and rumors aren’t grounded
in any kind of reality, the point is that one day they
will be. Eventually the two sides are going to hammer out
a new agreement and when they do the Cardinals need to be
prepared. They need to identify what they want, how they
can get it and be ready at a moment’s notice to do it.

Of course, the Cardinals do have an option that is rooted
in reality: They could draft a quarterback at No. 5. Ken
Whisenhunt made headlines when he coached up Cam Newton
during the Auburn pro day. Then on Tuesday, the Bidwill
family plane took a detour for dinner and a workout with
Blaine Gabbert. I don’t think either one of them will be
there at No. 5 and to be honest I’m hoping they’re
not. I don’t want the Cardinals to be tempted to take
either one of them.

I want a “now” guy at quarterback. I want a “now” guy
with the No. 5 pick. Von Miller helps them right
now. Patrick Peterson helps them right now. Trading for or
signing Kolb, Bulger, Orton, Palmer or Matt Hasselbeck
helps them right now. Clearly I’m not sold on Gabbert or

Going with either quarterback at number five is a “later”
move, not a “now” move.

So I guess randomly speculating on the next quarterback
for the Cardinals is not so random after all. Eventually
the NFL is going to give its teams the green light to make
deals and the Cards need to have their foot hovering over
the gas pedal, ready to press it to the floor.

And since we’re dealing in hypotheticals……

Batman bests Superman.

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Burns: Dealing in hypotheticals