Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

Real Madrid has signed the Brazilian midfielder Kaka from Milan, the La Liga club confirmed Wednesday.
Milan sports fans call Kaka a turncoat, Real Madrid sports fans call Kaka a great athlete, and US sports fans call Kaka another word for what they think of soccer.

Chad Ochicinco spoke about his supposed feud with Carson Palmer saying “I know people are trying to say we’re mad at each other and all that, but we’re good,” he said. “We’re like Brokeback Mountain.”
Ochocinco went on to say that while he is close to his quarterback, he is even closer to his tight end.

Tim Floyd suddenly resigned as basketball coach at Southern California on Tuesday following allegations that he gave $1,000 in cash to a man who helped steer former star player O.J. Mayo to the Trojans
Floyd told reporters that he will now be forced to return to his old job as a salesman at Crazy Bill’s Used Car Dealership.

Steven Strasburg was drafted #1overall by the Washington Nationals in the 2009 MLB draft. Strasburg is expected to receive a record contract.
Experts say that this will be the most money given to an unproven commodity in DC since Obama’s election fundraising.

Former coach Tom Osborne is sticking around as Nebraska’s athletic director. The 72-year-old Osborne had indicated he would step down when his contract expires in summer 2010. But the university said Wednesday that Osborne has agreed to stay
While the school says they are happy that Osborne is returning, they do hope that he stops getting confused when the team takes the practice field, as the players are getting tired of hearing him yell to “get off his lawn”.

After being accused of using performance enhancing drugs by an internet blogger, Phillies slugger Raul Ibanez defended himself. “I’ll come after people who defame or slander me,” he said before Tuesday night’s game against the New York Mets. “It’s pathetic and disgusting. There should be some accountability for people who put that out there.
Ibanez then went on to apologize for getting so upset, blaming it simply on “roid rage”.

Alex Rodriguez has recently been seen dating actress Kate Hudson and the two appear every happy together
In fact Hudson even says A-Rod is the inspiration for her new movie “How a guy can gain fifty pounds in 10 days”.

Roger Federer won his record tying 14th Grand Slam title this weekend
When accepting the trophy, a clearly emotional Federer said he felt more choked up than David Carridine.

Federer dealt with an unwelcome visitor during his French Open final victory against Robin Soderling. During the match, a man ran onto the court and tried to place a red beret on Federer’s head. Federer pushed the man aside, and the man then pranced around the court waving a Barcelona soccer team flag
The French security guards and police apologized for being so slow to act, saying they were delayed because they simply couldn’t decide which one of them would surrender to the attacker first.

NASCAR driver Jeremy Mayfield tested positive for methamphetamine during a random drug screening May 1 at Richmond International Raceway
While Mayfield is not the first person to be caught driving under the influence of crystal meth, he is the first to be caught driving a car and not his house.

That’s all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen announcing my candidacy to be the next Miss California

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