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Sports Kabob – 7/1

Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

On the same day that singer Michael Jackson passed away, Arizona Diamondbacks outfielder Eric Byrnes was hit by a pitch and injured
Experts say this was ironic in that while the King of Pop died, the King of Pop ups got hurt.

Diamondbacks ace Brandon Webb told MLB.com on Wednesday that he will not have surgery on his right shoulder and hopes to be able to pitch for Arizona in September
However, the team did announce that manager A.J. Hinch will have surgery later this week to remove his head from his ass.

Independence Day came a few days early for suspended Sprint Cup driver Jeremy Mayfield, as a federal judge granted him a temporary injunction allowing him to race this weekend. Mayfield says that he would never do Meth, and his positive test for crystal meth was a false positive caused by a mixture of medications he was on
According to Mayfield something weird must have happened to his meds when he mixed them together in a spoon over a flame and then smoked them.

Suspended NFL star Michael Vick is leaving a job with a Virginia construction company to work with youngsters at Boys & Girls Clubs
Also, because he is working with young children, Vick said he will now fund an illegal puppy fighting ring.

Former drivers Bobby Allison and Darrell Waltrip are two of the 25 nominees for the first NASCAR Hall of Fame induction class
Being elected into the hall of fame is the second-most prestigious honor for a NASCAR driver, the first of course which is having an entrée named after you at Denny’s.

Brazil ended Spain’s one-year reign as the world’s top soccer team and the United States moved up two spots to No. 12, the highest ranking for the Americans in three years
Also, because of the team’s recent success, soccer has now moved up to number 12 in the rankings for favorite American sports, just behind female lacrosse.

The Suns selected Earl Clark with the 14th pick of the first round in the NBA draft. Clark, who wears number 5, is known as “E-5”
However, his alias has caused controversy in the Valley, since “E-5” is already the nickname of Mark Reynolds.

Chicago Cubs manager Lou Piniella on Friday defended catcher Geovany Soto, who tested positive for marijuana during the World Baseball Classic, by admitting he once smoked pot
This of course explains why Piniella has been so calm and serene throughout his career.

Hours before the start of NBA free agency, Detroit Pistons president Joe Dumars made a splash of a different sort Tuesday, firing coach Michael Curry after just one season amid ongoing concerns about Curry’s command of the locker room and fears that keeping him could hamper Detroit’s offseason business
And since he did such a bad job and he’s in Detroit, Curry will also receive a $30 million bonus.

Taco Bell has replaced longtime sponsor McDonald’s as the NBA’s fast-food partner
And because of this, the league will change its slogan from “The NBA, Where Amazing Happens” to “The NBA, Where Diarrhea Happens”.

That’s all for this week, leave comments and remember that this is Jarrett Carlen wondering if it’s true that Michael Jackson will be donating his body to science and his face to Madame Tussaud’s.