Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

The Cardinals defeated the Packers 51-45, putting up 531 yards on what was the #2 ranked defense in the NFL
Many Green Bay insiders blame this poor performance on the team recently hiring Janet Napolitano to be in charge of its defense

Sarah Palin signed a deal to join Fox News as a regular contributor, and many feel she fits in due to her right wing beliefs
Cardinals kicker Neil Rackers on the other hand, announced he will be joining MSNBC because of his recent propensity of going to the left

Tom Brady committed four turnovers and was under constant pressure from the Ravens defense in a 33-14 Patriots loss
Many analysts were surprised by this performance, since Brady is usually excellent at scoring without protection

In a written statement and interview with Bob Costas, Mark McGwire admitted to using steroids off and on during his career
Then, in equally shocking news, Adam Lambert held a press conference to announce he was gay

As expected, the Kansas City Chiefs on Wednesday officially hired Romeo Crennel to be their new defensive coordinator, days after they hired Charlie Weiss to be their offensive coordinator
While most experts don’t expect the Chiefs to have the best coaching staff next year, all agree that they will have the chubbiest

Since his contract is now up with them, General Motors announced that Tiger doesn’t get to drive free Cadillacs anymore
However, he has signed a new contract with GM so that he can still use their back seats

Clippers forward Blake Griffin will have surgery on his broken left kneecap, keeping the No. 1 draft pick out for at least four more months
Experts say Griffin is the most unlucky and upset person in all of Los Angeles, other than Conan O’Brien

The perennially frugal Florida Marlins have reached an agreement with the players’ union to increase spending in the wake of complaints the team payroll has been so small as to violate baseball’s revenue sharing provisions.
However, since they are in south Florida, the Marlins will still be allowed to offer early bird specials at their concession stands

Simon Cowell announced that he will be leaving American Idol following this season
Cowell said he was leaving Idol because with USC’s hiring of Lane Kiffin, he’s no longer be the most arrogant jerk in Los Angeles

The Seattle Seahawks hired former USC coach Pete Carroll earlier this week, shortly after interviewing the Vikings’ Leslie Frazier.
While many feel that the Frazier interview was a farce and was not in the spirit of the Rooney rule, Senate majority leader Harry Reid thought it was fine

That’s all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen fearing that Jay Leno is coming to take my job.
For more of my observations on the world of sports, as well as politics, entertainment and current events, follow me on twitter @JarrettGC.

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