Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

President Barack Obama threw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals game on Monday
Republicans said the pitch went too far to the left, while Democrats said it was perfect

Authorities in Georgia have finished their investigation into a 20-year-old college student’s claim that Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger sexually assaulted her at a nightclub
Police said they wrapped up their investigation quicker than they normally would so that they would be able to prepare for Roethlisberger’s next sexual assault case

Tennis great Martina Navratilova has been diagnosed with a noninvasive form of breast cancer and her prognosis is considered excellent.
Martina says she is not scared about dying from the cancer, but is worried that a mastectomy may hurt her status as a sex symbol with young men

After going hitless Tuesday for a second straight game to start the season, Boston Red Sox designated hitter David Ortiz lashed out at reporters when reminded that his struggles last April and May would be a hot topic if he was slow at the start of this season as well.
So while Ortiz couldn’t recreate his on field play from a few years ago, it was nice to see that he was able to recreate of his off field roid rage to a tee

The Toronto Raptors will be without All-Star forward Chris Bosh for at least one game after he had facial bones broken in a freakish on-court accident.
The accident occurred when an enraged Chris Brown confused Bosh for his ex and ran on the court during the third quarter

Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban says if they want to, his team can kill anyone
Also, prospective New Jersey Nets owner Russian Billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov says that if he wants to, he can kill anyone

The chairman of Augusta National Golf Club had harsh words for Tiger Woods, saying the world’s best golfer disappointed all of his fans with his sex scandal and didn’t live up to expectations as a role model.
Although, to be fair to Tiger, not all his fans left disappointed.

The Chicago Cubs have the highest-priced tickets for regular seats in the major leagues, overtaking the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox
However, Cubs fans get off easy in the long run since they never have to pay for tickets in October

Bret Favre became a grandfather when his daughter gave birth this week
Doctors and nurses knew the baby was related to Favre because the mother had many false labors before the baby finally decided that he was going to come out

Donovan Mcnabb was traded to the Washington Redskins earlier this week
Redskin fans are excited, but are cautious, as they have been burned before when thinking that a charismatic African American savior was coming to save the day in Washington

That’s all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen saying that unfortunately, for once the Butler didn’t do it

For more of my observations on the world of sports, as well as politics, entertainment and current events, follow me on twitter @JarrettGC.

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