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Sports Kabob – 5/12

Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

The Diamondbacks bullpen ERA is currently ranked last in the Majors at a terrible 7.55
In fact, experts now say that the D-backs bullpen is the biggest disaster in the world not caused by British Petroleum

Talks between Ice Edge Holdings and the city of Glendale on a new lease agreement for the Phoenix Coyotes are not dead but “probably more like taking a nap,” a person with knowledge of the situation told The Associated Press on Tuesday.
Unfortunately for Ice Edge, while they were taking a nap, they were asked to pinch hit in a Mariners game

Seattle Mariners star Ken Griffey Jr. missed a chance to enter an unspecified game last week as a pinch hitter because he was asleep in the clubhouse, according to a report from the Tacoma News Tribune.
In a post game interview, Griffey said he was merely auditioning for the new movie “Sleeping in Seattle.” Then everyone groaned and booed him.

The report that Ken Griffey Jr. was sleeping in the Seattle Mariners clubhouse during a game continued to make waves on Tuesday, as the team’s players called a clubhouse meeting and stopped talking to the newspaper that published the report.
This came as a crushing blow to the dozens of people who still read newspapers

The Suns swept the Spurs despite Steve Nash getting injured and receiving 6 stitches above his eye.
Nash’s gutsy effort was the best performance by someone with one eye since Sammy Davis Jr appeared on “All in the Family”

Padres pitcher Tim Stauffer was not feeling well and called up a medical website on his iPhone, entered his symptoms and came up with what could be appendicitis, according to the San Diego Union-Tribune. Stauffer then called Padres head trainer Todd Hutcheson from his hotel room and described his findings.
Stauffer will now be doing ads for Apple in their new campaign: The iPhone- there’s an app-endectomy for that

In making a bid to host the 2014 Super Bowl at New Meadowlands Stadium, the New York Jets and New York Giants are embracing the weather. It will be cold in New Jersey in February, but the teams contend that’s not a reason to reject the bid.
Also a reason not to reject the bid? The large Mafiosos who will break Roger Goodell’s knees if he does.

Newly elected Filipino congressman Manny Pacquiao will be sworn in on June 30 after his resounding victory this week.
This is a very impressive feat, although it should be pointed out that in the Phillipines, elections are decided by having the two candidates box each other

In his first lengthy interview since filing a federal lawsuit against the team, former Saints security director Geoffrey Santini told USA Today that he only decided to resign and later sue the team after general manager Mickey Loomis tried to convince him to help cover up the theft of Vicodin from the team’s headquarters.
After hearing this, Loomis was said to be very nervous and upset. Luckily for him, he had plenty of Vicodin to dull his feelings.

Kamron Doyle, a 12-year-old from Brentwood, Tennessee, placed high enough to win some money at a Pro Bowling event. Doyle finished 30th at Georgia’s Canton Open regional tournament recently, earning him a non-PBA-member check for $400.
And if you think that’s impressive, the people who made Doyle’s bowling shoes also earned money, and they were even younger than 12

That’s all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen saying that due to popular demand, next week’s Sports Kabob will be hosted by Betty White

For more of my observations on the world of sports, as well as politics, entertainment and current events, follow me on twitter @JarrettGC.