Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

The NHL rejected Ilya Kovalchuk’s 17-year, $102 million contract with the New Jersey Devils because it circumvents the league’s salary cap, the league announced Wednesday.
According to the NHL all contracts must be less than 17 years, under what is called the “Roman Polanski Rule”

Tiger Woods’ estimated endorsements for 2010 are worth $22 million less than last year, according to Sports Illustrated’s annual analysis of the highest-earning American athletes.
Don’t feel bad for Woods though, as he will more than make up for the lost money in stud fees

Sports and reality competition shows are colliding, as Jimmy Johnson will be appearing on the next season of Survivor, and Kurt Warner is rumored to be on the next season of Dancing with the Stars
Then, in the most challenging reality show, Serena Williams will have to spend a night living with Mel Gibson

Lou Piniella announced Tuesday he will retire at the end of the season, completing a storied and often colorful career that included 18 years in the majors as a player and another 22 as a manager.
Pinella said he wants to spend more time at home, arguing with his family

Former Oakland Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell pleaded not guilty to a charge of illegal drug possession Tuesday in Alabama.
Fortunately for Russell, thanks to Lindsay Lohan he isn’t even the most famous former prodigy who threw their life away due to poor career choices, drugs and legal problems

Milwaukee Brewers Hall of Fame radio broadcaster Bob Uecker will be back behind the microphone this weekend, just three months after heart surgery. The 75-year-old broadcaster underwent surgery April 30 to replace his aortic valve, aortic root and part of his ascending aorta.
Uecker said the only thing more painful than the surgery was having to sit through the premiere of Major League: Back to the Minors

Louis Oosthuizen won the British Open on Sunday in dominant fashion
Oosthuizen is a South African name that means “irrelevant in 3 months”

Joe Namath is among six Jets greats in the first class of the team’s Ring of Honor at its new stadium.
While no one knows how Namath will celebrate the honor, I’m willing to bet that it will involve cocktails

Former Florida standout offensive lineman Maurkice Pouncey is denying allegations that he accepted $100,000 from a player agent before last season’s Allstate Sugar Bowl.
Says Pouncey, “Why would I take money, I don’t play for USC.”

When asked about Lebron James joining Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh in Miami, Charles Barkley said that when he played, he never would have gone to play with top players like Michael Jordan and Larry Bird
Barkley said he would never team up with Jordan and Bird, just like he would never team up with a rice cake and a vegetable

That’s all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen saying that the Tempe Town Lake is now dryer than the ASU recruiting pool

For more of my observations on the world of sports, as well as politics, entertainment and current events, follow me on twitter @JarrettGC.

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