Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart is being shopped around as he has presumably lost his starting job to Derek Anderson
Experts say Leinart is the biggest disappointment to come out of southern California since the Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien

Leinart, the 10th pick in the first round by the Cardinals in 2006, never lived up to the hype he generated at USC.
Luckily for Leinart though, he can never be the most infamous player to come from USC. That is, unless he murders his ex-wife and her boyfriend

Leinart is upset at losing his starter’s role and does not feel he was given a fair shot this preseason
Leinart says he was rushed and had no protection, ironically the same two reasons why he had a kid out of wedlock

The United States eased its way to a top seed in the knockout round of the world championship, beating Iran 88-51 Wednesday in the first meeting between the countries with a history of contentious relations.
Iranian players blame the loss on the team’s cheerleaders, whom had trouble boosting team spirit and performing their routines while wearing full length burkas

In anticipation of the season-opener against the New England Patriots on Sept. 12 at Gillette Stadium, Ochocinco is already planning his touchdown celebration. “If I am able to score Week 1 in New England, I will be taking the Minutemen rifle and firing as they do when the Pats score,” he wrote on Twitter.
This came as great news to Commissioner Roger Goodell, because if there is one image the NFL is hoping to cultivate its PLAYERS AND GUNS

Cuban phenom Aroldis Chapman made his debut with the Cincinnati Reds this week, and threw several pitches that registered at over 100 mph
Reds Manager Dusty Baker said he is happy to have the pitcher on the team, and that he looks forward to the challenge of seeing how he can ruin Chapman’s arm forever

Manny Ramirez was put on waivers and claimed by the Chicago White Sox
Ramirez said he is looking forward to playing in Chicago as he has “always been a fan of Canada.”

Former Ohio State running back Maurice Clarett has signed with the UFL
And in future news, the UFL has been robbed and assaulted

Chris Chelios, the longest-tenured defenseman in NHL history, is finally hanging up his skates. After 26 NHL seasons and three Stanley Cups, Chelios announced his retirement Tuesday at the age of 48.
Chelios knew it was time to retire when he needed to wear false teeth and it had nothing to do with getting in fights

BYU is going independent in football after all. BYU says it is leaving the Mountain West Conference and will go independent in football while joining the West Coast Conference in all other sports in the 2011-2012 school year.
Originally, the WCC did not want BYU to join, but were worn down when BYU representatives kept riding their bikes to WCC officials’ houses every weekend to ask to speak with them

That’s all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen saying I’m excited about the new iPod, and the organic version, the pPod

For more of my observations on the world of sports, as well as politics, entertainment and current events, follow me on twitter @JarrettGC.

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