Sports Kabob – 12/15
Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome
to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world
of sports and pop culture.
Here are the top stories:
John Skelton started his first game for the Arizona
Cardinals Sunday and although he didn’t have a great game,
he did not commit a turnover and the team won.
The fans’ excited reaction to his potential and
mediocrity in comparison to the disaster that was the
previous regime reminds many of how Barak Obama got
The roof to the Metrodome caved in this weekend after a
snowstorm, forcing the Vikings to play in Detroit instead.
Odd that this happened during the regular season, since
collapsing under enormous pressure usually only involves
the Vikings in the playoffs.
Brett Favre was inactive Monday, ending his streak of 297
Also for the first time in 297 games, John Madden was
forced to use Viagra to get aroused.
The New York Jets have suspended Sal Alosi indefinitely
after the team got “new information” that the strength and
conditioning coach “instructed” five players to stand in a
wall before he tripped a Dolphins player on Sunday.
Ironically, though it was NY’s Alosi who did the
tripping, it was the Jets who have been falling on their
Michael Vick, who was banned by the judge who sentenced
him on dogfighting charges from ever owning another dog,
says he misses being a dog owner and would like to have
one as a pet someday.
Vick says he most longs for a pet when he sees
commercials for mistreated and abused dogs. Well maybe
“longs for” isn’t the right phrase, it’s more like “gets
Cliff Lee spurned the Yankees and took less money to
return to Philadelphia to pitch for the Phillies.
Experts say it was the greatest upset to happen in
Philadelphia since Balboa-Creed 2.
Vikings fans are being asked to help dig out the
University of Minnesota campus stadium in time for Monday
night’s Vikings game with the Chicago Bears.
To show support, Brett Favre has already texted out a
picture of what appears to be him holding an ice pick.
The Washington Redskins have cut the holder who mishandled
the extra point attempt in the one-point loss to Tampa
The move was necessary, as the holder was the most
hated man in DC other than Julian Assange.
Boxing promoter Don King was stopped by security at
Cleveland’s Hopkins International Airport for having
ammunition in his carry-on luggage.
King was let go after it was determined that the
ammunition wasn’t his, but was simply stolen by King from
one his fighters.
Arizona State’s baseball team will vacate all of its wins
from 2007 and is banned from the postseason in 2011 under
NCAA sanctions for numerous violations.
ASU’s football and basketball teams will also not
compete in the postseason in 2011, though it won’t be due
to violations but rather to ineptitude and lack of talent.
That’s all for this week, leave comments, follow me on
Twitter and remember this is Jarrett Carlen saying
Scarlett Johansson, it’ll be ok, Big Papa Jarrett’s here.
For more of my observations on the world of sports, as
well as politics, entertainment and current events, follow
me on twitter