The following article is not real. It is our best guess
as to what would have happened had the NBA season actually
started on time, playing every game on the 2011-12 schedule. Clearly that’s not the
case, and every stat, quote or observation below never
actually happened. But without REAL NBA basketball to talk
about we needed something to stir our imaginations, so
please take a read and enjoy the Suns 2011-12 season —
sort of.

Break up the Phoenix Suns!

Planet Orange welcomed the Los Angeles Lakers to town
Friday but played rude hosts, beating the visitors 107-
92.

And it wasn’t even that close.

Grant Hill led the way for the Suns with 24 points, with
the 39-year-old proving once again that age is, in fact,
just a number.

“It felt good to go out there and contribute to a win,”
said the modest Hill after the game. “I have to give much
of the credit to my teammates; they kept getting me the
ball in positions where I could score.”

Hill’s got a point — rather, a point guard. Steve Nash
tallied 17 assists on the evening to go along with 15
points, his second-consecutive double-double to begin the
season.

“I’m amazed he continues to play at such a high level,”
Lakers coach Mike Brown said. “I kind of wonder if [former
Lakers coach Phil Jackson] has been sending the guy some,
umm, supplements.”

Whatever the reason for Nash’s outstanding play, the fact
remains the Suns are now 2-0 on the season and have
knocked off two of the West’s best teams. Coming off last
season’s struggles against elite competition, that has to
feel good.

Even if the Lakers helped in their own demise, as Metta
World Peace did when he was called for a pair of technical
fouls and ejected after getting into an argument with one
of the officials.

“It’s a good start without question,” Suns coach Alvin
Gentry said, refusing to talk about World Peace’s
ejection. “But let’s be real here, it’s only two games.
There are another 80 left and I doubt we’re going to win
them all.”

Probably not, but you never know. This is the 2011-12
season, after all.

Suns Spotted

• Suns rookie Markieff Morris had his first double-
digit scoring effort, contributing 11 points to go along
with his 7 rebounds.

• Michael Redd’s shooting cooled off a little, but
the veteran still scored 17 points on 15 shots.

• Never one to mince words, Marcin Gortat said the
Suns don’t fear the Lakers. “Why should we,” he asked.
“Have you ever seen a lake in Los Angeles?”

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