If you open up an Oreo cookie, you will not find the Phoenix Suns. No way, no chance. This Band of Backups is most definitely not creamy white filling. There is virtually nothing in-between about Suns games.

111-81. 124-99. 117-77. 97-69. 127-96. 98-71. 111-81.

At first glance, those figures read like high/low temps for Phoenix in August.

We wish. Turns out, we did not consult the National Weather Service. Instead, those numbers come from Suns box scores. Yep. They happen to be final scores from this season, all XL lopsided losses by the Suns.

Hence, we pose a question: Why is it that when the Suns (rarely) win, they win. #Ding. But when the Suns lose – look out.

As in, look out below because the Suns scream “cannonball” and then smack the water from the roof of the garage, like an episode of Jackass.

The latest example had Johnny Knoxville and Planet Orange Cones in Houston. At least, the NBA schedule listed the Suns as allegedly taking on the Rockets. To date, we’re still looking for tangible evidence that an actual game took place.

See, thing is, at the risk of getting all metaphysical here, did you really play a game if you didn’t compete? #BuellerBueller

And we’re not talking about expertise, where the Suns are challenged by a dearth of talent. We’re citing effort, or the lack thereof. Did you even try? We know NBA salaries are guaranteed. And, based on this season, we now know something else: effort is not guaranteed. (By the way, forget maximum effort. We’re realistic. We’d settle for respectable/acceptable effort.)

How else can you explain a game where you flipped on the TV to find the score was an eye-popping 100-64 midway thru the 4th quarter? In fact, we’d like to petition the NBA stat geeks to register a honkin’ huge “DNP” across the Suns section of the final box score. #JackStomp

“Those that go along with the program will be here,” Lindsey Hunter said on Wednesday night. “Those that won’t…will eliminate themselves.”

Nice to hear the coach deems it unacceptable. Thing is, it’s happening on his watch. And, of course, Hunter has a business card that reads “interim” head coach.

Meaning, it’s his team that’s failing to consistently respond. (#HolyCannoliStat: 6 times under Lindsey Hunter, the Suns have committed 20 or more turnovers. Under Alvin Gentry, that happened twice this season.)

On Seinfeld, if memory serves, didn’t Jackie Chiles offer up that “If you don’t compete, thou shalt feel the heat,” or something like that.

Therefore, who is eliminating whom exactly?