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Sawed Off Shotgun of Sports – the print edition

Did you see the recent study that says the number of 100-year-olds has roughly doubled in the past 20 years?

Turns out, the research shows that centenarians often share similar traits, including: a positive but realistic attitude, a love of life, a sense of humor, plus spirituality and the ability to accept the inevitable losses that come with living a long life.

Uh, the fact that Paulie Blog goes 1-for-5 in the above box score (at best) means that we should probably move ‘er along, cuz I dun dang figure that the clock is ticking!

So, we’re off and running the Sawed Off Shotgun of Sports – the print edition. Yep, here we go with Sports Takes In Every Direction (and in no particular order):

* “Gibby-Ball” – that’s our new moniker for the brand of ball the D-backs are playing this season. In the early 80’s, the Oakland A’s played “Billy-Ball” in taking on the personality of manager Billy Martin. Here in 2011, we’re now seeing the early stages of “Gibby-Ball” where a mediocre roster channels the intensity of its manager. Simply stated, “Gibby-Ball” embodies a pair of player traits: love to compete and despise defeat. Ding & Ding.

* Speaking of the Snakes, would this be a good time to detail how umpire Bob Davidson represents all that is wrong with umpiring in MLB? How umpires who use ball-strike calls to execute their own personal agendas should be banned from baseball like steroid-abusers? Ya know what, we don’t have time to make that point right now (wink-wink).

* Lots of folks have their boxers in a bunge over President Obama’s Birth Certificate. Uh, based on Game 5 of the Lakers-Hornets series, has anybody checked out Kobe’s birth certificate?! Cuz that looked like 22-year-old legs that elevated for the pair of Holy Cannoli slams in Gm 5 vs. the Hornets. Splendicular.

* Mocking the Mock: effective 2012, Calvisi Consulting vows to release an innovative Mock Draft where we will draft the Mock Drafts. Yep. Considering the insatiable appetite in the marketplace, why not line up all the Mock Drafts and draft ‘em accordingly #1 thru #32. And we’ll hold that draft on Twitter, just like the UFL recently announced. (If you follow the UFL Draft, please seek help immediately!)

* What’s the opposite of the UFL? How ‘bout the following for the Royal Wedding. Holy Cannoli Stat: the British government predicts a global TV audience of 2 billion viewers for the Royal Wedding.

Rim Shots – 3 ‘n Out

* How do I know that my kid has been absorbing too much draft coverage via osmosis at Casa Calvisi? Yesterday, the 4 Yr Old Punk shouted: “Look at me, I’m invisible!” See, he’s learning to spread the misinformation.

* Outstanding video on ESPN of the NFL player who showed up to the Steelers facility and, with the cameras rolling, found the front door bolted shut. Now, THAT is a lockout!

* Roger Goodell doesn’t want to hear anyone give their two cents about anything these days. Not that the NFL commish doesn’t appreciate free advice. Rather, it’s the fact that “two cents” happens to be half his paycheck these days!