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Ping-Pong-a-Palooza…What Are They Hiding?

We have no choice but to file this topic under the Paul’s Call heading of “No Comprendo.” In other words, let me get this straight…

Arnold Schwarzenegger just sat on the mother of all secrets (and we do mean Mother) for over a decade. For those of us who are allergic to math, that means more than ten years.

Yet, at Casa Calvisi, my wife can tell within seconds whether I failed to put the toilet seat down – just by reading the expression on my face! She can merely look at me and deduce whether I emptied the recyclables basket like she ordered…err, asked.

However, The Terminator became The Perpetrator in complete & utter secrecy? The Governator just conducted a very private life while in public office and got away with it? Seriously?

Which naturally brings us to … the NBA Draft Lottery. That’s right, a natural segue into the debate over whether The Commish-inator is really The Deception-ator? Or, more to the point, The Fix-inator?

Was the fix in? Again? On “Sports Interactive” (Noon-2pm/Sports 620 KTAR), we heard from plenty of NBA fans who firmly believe we haven’t seen such expert manipulation of ping-pong balls since Forrest Gump.

Now, not to violate our “No Math” rule, but how can a draft pick with a 2.8% chance at the top spot just hit the lottery – literally?

Hmmm. If that sounds mighty convenient and too perfect, considering that no one came close to deserving the #1 pick more than fans of the Cleveland Cavaliers, well, that’s your gasoline to fuel what has been a smoldering tire fire of traveshamockery for many years.

Other fans are saying: “Hang on Paulie Ping Pong Ball, don’t you remember how Clint Eastwood said “Deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it” in Unforgiven? Fate trumps all.

My response? Hang on your own self. In fact, my retort comes in the form of a question: if there is nothing to hide, then why do they hide it? Why?

If there are no hidden secrets in Ping-Pong-a-Palooza, then why doesn’t the NBA let us see it? Has David Stern passed a new league prohibition against transparency? No street clothes on the bench and no transparency?!

What’s wrong with fans witnessing the making of the lottery sausage? If it’s not a pretty sight, as the saying goes, that’s okay. Did anyone see those same Cavaliers play basketball this season? That deserved a TV-MA rating.

Until then, the whispers and conspiracy theories will continue to send black smoke into our blue skies.

Then again, maybe Paulie Roundball should get in touch with Mrs. David Stern and ask her to read the look on his face.