J.D. Martinez’s agent keeps making hilarious metaphors

The agent for D-backs slugger J.D. Martinez, Scott Boras, is well-known. He’s perhaps the most recognizable player agent in baseball, but now he’s getting some attention for a different reason.

As baseball’s annual GM meetings went on in Florida this week, reporters were there to capture all the action and get insight from executives, agents and more. But Boras’ thoughts on his clients were … different.

Boras already raised a few eyebrows last week with this quote about Martinez, who is a free agent after joining the D-backs in a trade this season.

Scott Boras on J.D. Martinez: “High atop the MLB Empire rests the King Kong of Slug — a 50-point lead.” Boras said Martinez’s pace with DBacks would project to 70 HR and .741 SLG over 150-game season. Boras: “That’s how dominant J.D. Kong is.” @MLB

— Jon Morosi (@jonmorosi) November 10, 2017

But it didn’t stop there. In discussing Cubs free agent pitcher Jake Arrieta, Boras compared him to a squirrel with a lot of nuts.

Scott Boras on free agent starter Jake Arrieta: He's a big squirrel with lots of nuts in his trees

— Bob Nightengale (@BNightengale) November 15, 2017

Kansas City Royals infielder-turned-free agent Eric Hosmer is, apparently, a ticket to playoff-ville, a promised land that Boras references on more than one occasion:

Boras on Eric Hosmer: “He’s Playoff-ville, Federal Express.” Scott is in prime form this year.

— Jerry Crasnick (@jcrasnick) November 15, 2017

Boras: "The Mets have all the materials to live in the palatial estates of playoff-ville. The question is when do they begin construction?"

— Mike Puma (@NYPost_Mets) November 15, 2017

In order to move to Playoffville, Scott Boras says, you have to pay the property tax.

I️ believe this is a metaphor, but you can never be too sure.

— Andy McCullough (@McCulloughTimes) November 15, 2017

The LA Times’ Andy McCullough eventually realized the historic level of Boras’ metaphors, and called it a “command performance” when the big-time agent talked about teams’ ability to pay players:

This is a command performance from Scott Boras. Says teams who claim they aren’t making money are practicing “Casper Finance . . . Where’s the ghost? Where’s the money?”

— Andy McCullough (@McCulloughTimes) November 15, 2017

And for good measure, he added one last metaphor about Martinez:

Scott Boras compared JD Martinez’s defensive metrics to getting an oil change. You have to check them every year.

— Andy McCullough (@McCulloughTimes) November 15, 2017

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