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Burns: Consulting a higher power for Cardinals QB options

Near the bottom of the email was the line “You are better than this Dave.”

My first instinct was to wonder what I had done to make my dad so upset.

Then I realized that the email was from Joe. Joe is a listener who thought I was nuts for suggesting it would be worth it to give up two first rounders for Kevin Kolb.

“You are better than this Dave.”

Maybe it is nuts. I’m not ashamed to admit a sense of panic here. But is it more nuts than giving up a second rounder for Kyle Orton? More nuts than drafting Cam Newton or Blaine Gabbert with the 5th pick? More nuts than putting it all in the hands of Marc Bulger? My baseline for sanity has been shaken and stirred by the events of the last five months and I’m not alone. This past weekend somebody asked me, in all seriousness, if the Cards could go get Jake Plummer. If the Idaho handball champ is on the table (he’s not) so too is the concept of two first round picks for Kolb.

Trying to figure out what the Cardinals should do isn’t easy. Since the whole thing is kind of a crap shoot anyway so I’ve enlisted the help of the MAGIC 8 BALL app I just downloaded on the ipad. Really, at this point, it might give better answers than me. Just ask Joe.

Here goes. For what it’s worth the results of the Magic 8 Ball were independently confirmed by my 13-year-old son.

Should the Cardinals trade two first round picks for Kevin Kolb?

I say yes but that comes with a big if. If the Eagles make him available the Cardinals should be at the front of the line. He’s the only quarterback out there who meets both of the most essential criteria: He’s ready right now and he can man the job for years to come. All the other guys are either a “bridge” guy or too young to take the reins right now. But given Michael Vick’s dangerous style of play, Kolb’s friendly contract and the CBA mystery….it’s questionable if he’s even available.

Is Kyle Orton worth a second round pick?

Man. You thought Paul Calvisi was wishy-washy. My answer is no, but only because I don’t see him as a guy who could have the job five years from now. I don’t mind paying money to a bridge guy, but to give up a really high second round draft pick for a bridge guy? No thanks. Talk the Broncos down to a third rounder and it’s a winner.

Will the Seahawks keep Matt Hasselbeck?

Agree. I still think there’s a chance they’ll let him walk. You don’t get back together with your ex because of one good night, so the Seahawks will be careful committing to Hasselbeck because of one good afternoon. He’s had a sketchy season and one playoff game doesn’t erase that. But he won’t cost the Cardinals a draft pick and might be the classic “change of scenery” guy.

Is Marc Bulger the leader in the clubhouse?

Agree with the app.They wanted him last year but couldn’t wait that long. He won’t cost much money; he won’t cost anything in draft picks. If I had to bet on a name, I’d bet Bulger. But he scares me. Hasn’t played much lately and when he has it hasn’t been at a high level. Personally I’d be more interested in Orton or Hasselbeck.

Should the Cardinals show more interest in Donovan McNabb?

Sounds like the Magic 8 Ball has been texting Sports Interactive. At this point it would seem McNabb is the Angelina Jolie of quarterbacks; more of a name than an actual talent. Everyone says she’s a star but her movies are junk. McNabb’s name moves the meter but does his game? My interest in him has waned.

Can we put Vince Young on this list and keep a straight face?

What, one underperforming, entitled quarterback from this draft class wasn’t enough for you? Move on.

Can Cam Newton succeed at the NFL level?

I don’t want to use the fifth pick in the draft to find out, I can tell you that. I don’t have the research to back this up but it sure feels like this kind of talent gets lost in translation on the NFL level. That is an unacceptable risk at #5.

Is Blaine Gabbert the safest bet/surest thing QB in the draft?

Seems like it to me too. Is he going to be there at five? Maybe before Andrew Luck’s decision to stay in school but not now. If he were there at number five I’d be very surprised and very interested.

Is Ryan Mallett the next Drew Bledsoe?

Is Ryan Mallett the next Derek Anderson?

I’ve seen him compared to both. Even if he’s somewhere in between the two…thanks but no thanks.