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Sports Kabob – 7/7

Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

Lebron James will be holding a 1 hour special on ESPN to announce which team he will be signing with. The press conference is rumored to be held in the Boys and Girls Club in Connecticut.
James says he chose to make the announcement there because the Connecticut facility was the only place big enough to hold his ego

Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh have agreed to deals with the Miami Heat
With this announcement, the Heat promise to be the most entertaining thing based in south Florida since the Golden Girls

Carlos Boozer has agreed to sign with the Chicago Bulls
Experts say he will be the most famous Boozer to come to Chicago since Dennis Rodman

Tuesday’s Rangers game was delayed 16 minutes in the fifth inning when a male spectator fell about 30 feet from the second deck while attempting to catch a foul ball.

That’s not the worst story however. After watching the Diamondbacks game Tuesday, several fans voluntarily threw themselves from the upper deck of the stadium

Former Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell was arrested this week for illegal possession of codeine syrup
So apparently JaMarcus Russell is so fat, even his drugs have to be in syrup form. Said Russell “Yea cocaine could get me high, but can I spread it over pancakes?”

Former hot dog eating champion Kobayashi was arrested and spent a night in jail after trying to get on stage during the Nathan’s 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Championship
Its not all bad news for Kobayashi, however, because during his night in jail he did set the bread and water eating record

USC athletic director Mike Garrett has apologized to Florida athletic director Jeremy Foley for inaccurately alleging that a member from the schools illegally contacted Trojans freshman running back Dillon Baxter, according to a letter Garrett sent to Foley.
College football officials applaud this move by USC, as it has now cleared up the only ethical blemish on an otherwise spotless resume for the school

Germany lost to Spain 1-0 in the semifinals of the World Cup
Germany was so angry and upset after the loss, they decided to invade Poland just for the hell of it

Former NHL enforcer Bob Probert was found dead this week.
The cause of death has not been revealed but authorities have already brought in Tie Domi for questioning

Caster Semenya was cleared to immediately return to track by the sport’s governing body Tuesday, ending an 11-month layoff while she underwent gender tests after becoming the 800-meter world champion. Semenya is allowed to keep running as a woman, although it is unclear if she has had any medical procedure or treatment during her time away.
Teammates say the biggest advantage to running with Semenya is that during relays, she always brings her own baton

That’s all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen raising my glass of purple drank and wishing Lindsay Lohan good luck in the slammer

For more of my observations on the world of sports, as well as politics, entertainment and current events, follow me on twitter @JarrettGC.