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Sports Kabob – 1/20

Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.

Here are the top stories:

Tiger Woods should come out and answer his critics in public before making his return to tournament golf, Australian Geoff Ogilvy said on Wednesday. “Tiger should actually come out in public before, and not at a golf tournament,” Ogilvy told reporters on the eve of the Abu Dhabi Championship.
Tiger said he will make a public statement, but first is suing American Idol for stealing his long time theme song “Pants on the Ground”

Lane Kiffin was behind the wheel of his leased Lexus in August when, the coach said, he fell asleep and crashed the car, a high-ranking University of Tennessee official confirmed to’s Mark Schlabach on Tuesday
Then, to follow in line with his coaching career, after crashing the Lexus Kiffin was congratulated and immediately given a brand new Porsche

Tom Brady has pulled out of the Pro Bowl after a season in which he played with rib and finger injuries.
Experts are saying this is the first time the words “Tom Brady” and “pulled out” have been used in the same sentence

The Arizona Cardinals lost to the New Orleans Saints on Saturday by the score of 45-14.
In fact, the game in New Orleans was such a disaster for the Cards that FEMA will be called in some time next week to help

A judge ruled Wednesday that fired Texas Tech coach Mike Leach’s lawsuit against the university can go forward, but not as quickly as his attorneys wanted.
The attorneys want the trial to begin immediately, while the judge has ruled that the trial will not start until Leach spends some significant time locked in a tool shed

Two-time National League Cy Young Award winner Tim Lincecum will pay $513 to resolve marijuana charges against him in Washington state.
That is if he doesn’t blow it all on Cheetos and Dave Matthews band CDs first

Cleveland Cavaliers center Shaquille O’Neal has become the fifth player in NBA history to score 28,000 career points.
He also became only the second player in NBA history to eat 28,000 career doughnuts

Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis has started interviewing potential assistants for next season even while he continues to mull the fate of coach Tom Cable.
The process is being documented on film, and will be released this summer under the title “Interview with a Vampire 2”

Kobe Bryant has retained his spot atop the list of the NBA’s best-selling jerseys, while young stars Dwight Howard and Derrick Rose moved into the top five.
Also, for the third year in a row, Memphis star Rudy Gay had the highest selling jersey in San Francisco

The Red Sox and closer Jonathan Papelbon agreed Tuesday to a $9.35 million, one-year contract, the highest salary for a reliever with four years of major league service.
And in even more shocking news, Papelbon also received more votes than Martha Coakley in that evening’s Senate election

That’s all for this week, leave comments and remember this is Jarrett Carlen resisting KTAR’s attempt to move me to 12:05

For more of my observations on the world of sports, as well as politics, entertainment and current events, follow me on twitter @JarrettGC.