NCAA Football ’14: Talk about fantasy football!
Jul 9, 2013, 7:57 PM | Updated: 11:28 pm
Every college football season is filled with surprises: surprise upsets, surprise teams, surprise players, surprise coaches found with surprise road rash from a surprise motorcycle crash with a surprise mistress/campus employee. Yes sir, lots of surprises.
As fans, we can’t wait to be surprised. It’s what makes college football fandom so great. But the start of the 2013 college football season is still weeks away. The drama is still on hold. What can we possibly do to fill the void?
Well, thanks to our old friend/silent-nemesis technology, the college football fan doesn’t have to wait a day longer. As I type, EA Sports NCAA Football 14 is on store shelves. And although it’s obviously not the real thing, fans are afforded the chance to create college football story lines they would not otherwise get to see play out on their flat screen television.
Talk about fantasy football, here are ten things in college football that wouldn’t otherwise occur but you can make happen without ever leaving your couch…
#1. ARIZONA PLAYS IN THE ROSE BOWL… You don’t even need to bog yourself down with playing a full season. If you’re a U of A fan, the video game allows you to slide your beloved Wildcats right into the Rose Bowl against whatever foe you’d prefer. Word of caution though: I believe the video game and your system will automatically self-destruct if the ‘Cats actually appear on the verge of winning the Rose Bowl.
#2: BREAK AJ MCCARRON’S LEG… You saw the quarterback win the national title last year. And you saw his girlfriend, Katherine Webb. No one deserves that much good fortune before the age of 23. Here’s what you do. Go to “Edit” mode and slide AJ McCarron’s injury bar to zero. Not to ten or fifteen. Zero. Then have Alabama face South Carolina and Jadeveon Clowney. I can’t promise a broken leg, but I can promise an injury. Hell, maybe if you press “B” and the “Up” arrow you can get Clowney to pop his helmet off with the head still inside. Sure, it’s petty. But I’ve decided I’d rather see Brent Musburger dating Webb. I think that’s “B” button and “left” arrow.
#3: MAKE IT RAIN IN THE VALLEY… Seriously, it might be the only way it’s going to happen. Have Arizona State play Rutgers, let’s say. Go to the weather line on the matchup screen and have the computer dump heavy rain on Sun Devil Stadium. I’ll come over to your house and watch with you. We’ll turn up the sound. Maybe I’ll curl up on the couch with a good book. I’m convinced this is the only way it’s going to rain in Arizona ever again.
#4: HAVE OREGON STATE PLAY SOUTH CAROLINA… I know it’s childish, but I’ve been waiting to giggle at this matchup since grade school.
#5: PLAY A FULL SEASON WITH AUBURN AND SEE IF YOU CAN MAKE IT THROUGH WITHOUT THE NCAA PLACING YOU ON PROBATION… Life is about accepting great challenges. This may be the most difficult thing you try your entire life.
#6: GO ALL PHIL KNIGHT ON PENN STATE UNIFORMS… I think the game allows you to change a team’s uniform. Personally, I wouldn’t mess with my favorite uniform in sports. But if you have always wondered what Penn St. would look like in some modern duds, go ahead and Oregon Duck the Lions up. They might be ready for change. After all, last season they considered ditching the classic plain white helmets for paper bags over their heads.
#7: MAKE JOHNNY FOOTBALL BIGGER… The only question about the Heisman Trophy winner is his size. Johnny Football? More like Johnny Flutie. So, if you wanted to see how dominant Manziel would be if he measured north of tiny, the video game allows you to make him 6’5″. Heck, give him Osweiler height if you’d like. You can even change his face to cure his problem acne.
#8: TRY TO KEEP AN ALL-AMERICAN HIGH SCHOOL RECRUIT INSIDE THE STATE OF ARIZONA… Wouldn’t that be amazing!?! I guess this modern marvel known as a video game has become so advanced you can actually live the entire college football coaching experience — recruiting and all. Walk a mile in Todd Graham’s shoes. See if your PS3 will allow you to visit the in-state 5-star recruit or take his favorite Granny out to Luby’s for soft serve and letter of intent signing.
#9: HAVE KANSAS STATE PLAY A DECENT NON-CONFERENCE OPPONENT… I don’t care who it is. Oregon? Wisconsin? Florida? I know Bill Snyder wouldn’t dare schedule a non-conference opponent better than Louisiana-Monroe, but we are talking about making our college football fantasies come true here.
#10: PLAY A TOURNAMENT… Wouldn’t that be wonderful? To actually see a national champion of college football earn the trophy on the field… or the computer chip in this case.
