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Pay to the order of Larry $cott

“What I Did On My Summer Vacation.”

In response to the above assignment, may Calvisi Consulting suggest that every Athletic Director in the nascent Pac-12 return to campus in August with the following answer: “we spent our summer vacation adding a name to our Ring of Honor – Larry Scott.”

And since conference commissioners don’t come with jersey numbers to retire, the symbol next to his name should be “$$.” (Or, if schools are sticklers for numbers, then the math department could assist with “Larry Scott – 3,000,000,000.”)

As in, $3 billion over 12 years. That’s the value of the new media rights deal with ESPN/Fox. To the Pac-12, it’s more historic than the original “New Deal” during the Great Depression.

It’s a big deal (big, big deal!) in more ways than one. For instance, Pac-12 media revenue goes from less than $60 million per year to approximately $250 million. Make that Larry “Cha-Ching” Scott. And his number should read = 4x. Cuz the former pro tennis player just quadrupled the value of the existing media rights.

The Pac-12 is getting paid. But, will viewers buy? Will those ECB (East Coast Bias) Guys buy in?

We know this much: starting in 2012, all their ECB excuses will need to cease-and-desist. Attention NYC, Philly, and Boston: no more of this “it’s past our bedtime” malarkey, capisce?! And no longer do we want to hear “Arizona State Wildcats.” Don’t laugh. That still happens…on ESPN!

That’s right, the Pac 12 is coming. We’re about to bust through your front door and make ourselves at home in your living room. Uninvited. In fact, what’s keeping us from taking to the ESPN/Fox airwaves and sounding like Rex Ryan (“You take a swipe at one of our West Coast guys, we’ll take a swipe at two of yours. Now let’s go eat a %$#& snack!”)

Attention SEC, ACC, and Big 12. We’re wondering if you like apples? Cuz, how do you like 250 million apples annually?! Perhaps we can offer you a milkshake? Cuz, guess what? “We drink your milkshake. SssssssS. We drink it up!”

Locally, Paulie Pac 12 would like to suggest a few changes in Tempe, all in the name of fully embracing what’s on the horizon. Henceforth, the campus mascot shall have a business card that reads “$parky.” Atop the stadium, the sign shall now read: $un Devil $tadium.

Hit zoom out and, effective immediately, the Granddaddy of bowl games in Pasadena shall be known as “The Ro$e Bowl.”

Which brings up the one and only problem herein: the ASU rebrand is now more outdated than the Members Only jacket (powder-blue) that still hangs in Burnsy’s hall closet. (Admit it, Dave!)

No worries. Calvisi Consulting has been working with the guys at Nike on a new logo to replace the formerly new and now forlorn mark: A$U.