HABOOB

We’re sorry that the Coyotes are too ‘boring’ for you

Nov 5, 2019, 11:20 AM | Updated: 3:22 pm
Arizona Coyotes players celebrate their overtime win as Edmonton Oilers goaltender Mikko Koskinen s...
Arizona Coyotes players celebrate their overtime win as Edmonton Oilers goaltender Mikko Koskinen skates off the ice after the NHL hockey match, in Edmonton, Alberta, Monday, Nov. 4, 2019. (Jason Franson/The Canadian Press via AP)
(Jason Franson/The Canadian Press via AP)

We would like to issue an apology on behalf of the Arizona Coyotes.

You know, that team that’s 9-4-1 and beat the Edmonton Oilers on Monday night with a goal off the rush in overtime. Sportsnet’s Mark Spector explained to us all that the Coyotes, while they emerged victorious, were too boring.

Even a defenseman on the Oilers thought so. Another one wouldn’t go as far as to call them boring, but I mean, they are boring. Arizona is about middle-of-the-pack in the league in shots per game, but they’re still just not high-flying enough. Just look at them. The Coyotes are averaging more goals per game than Edmonton, but their defense is just so darn obnoxious.

Boring? Calling the Coyotes boring does a disservice to tedium. It’s like calling the Stanley Cup a spittoon.

The Coyotes work hard, which might be entertainment enough when you’re spending $20 for a hockey ticket, a hotdog and a beer in the desert. But at Canadian prices, watching the Coyotes roll through your town and squeeze the excitement out of the game like a bartender squeezing a lemon is, quite plainly, a ripoff.

We’re sorry, Mark.

We’re sorry that the Coyotes had the audacity to clog up the neutral zone and the blue line and play defense. In the future, they should consider playing defense, but, just … I don’t know, just do it differently.

We’re sorry that, as you correctly pointed out, the Coyotes are not only boring now, but they’ve been boring for years. Yes, a recent coach of theirs was Dave Tippett, who now coaches the team who you posit as the victim of allegedly-boring play. But I mean, so what?

The Coyotes don’t get enough attendance or their ownership was too unstable, or something about how they’ve had issues since they left Canada. And they could’ve avoided all that if they weren’t so stingy defensively.

The Coyotes should be more like the Edmonton Oilers, who have been the model franchise the past decade by finishing with a sub-.500 point percentage nine of the last 10 years and getting the first overall draft pick four times since 2010.

As you note, Mark Spector, the Coyotes haven’t had a history of abundant playoff success. They should take after the Oilers, who have been to the playoffs twice in the last 15 seasons.

Both the Oilers and the Coyotes have had good starts to the season, but only one has done so with any honor or integrity.

Mr. Spector, we are sorry. And the Coyotes should be, too.

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We’re sorry that the Coyotes are too ‘boring’ for you